Pete Who?

Legendary rocker Pete Townshend is divorcing his wife of 40 years today. Though they split in 1994 after Pete had an affair, he has currently been living with his girlfriend Rachel Fuller, 35 in Richmond. Maybe now he can concentrate on finishing that paedophilia research he started in 2003 because no-one has heard anything yet since he got caught with pictures!

Not So Goody For Parks

Michael Parkinson has unleashed a tirade against deceased celebrity Jade Goody. He claims she represented "all that's paltry and wretched about Britain today." That she was "ignorant ... puerile" and shouldn't be made a saint. Parkinson actually attacking someone, not being a sycophant and being controversial! Surely that's bigger news.

They Tried To Make Me Put My Clothes On .. I Said No, No, No

Amy Winehouse has been stirring up a fuss in her Caribbean hotel by refusing to not sunbathe topless, much to the dismay of other guests. However, instead of dealing with it amicably, the pop star instead had a hissy fit and stormed around by the pool shouting nonsense. Sexy.

Also brand new blog coming soon! Watch this space...

Victoria's Fun & Spicy Image

Victoria Beckham is trying to rid herself of her 'miserable' image. She's annoyed that people think she's just a miserable 'b*tch who just goes shopping everyday'. She's been saying how 'people get preconceptions ... It's been hard to change people's thinking, which is what I've set out to do'... By doing what exactly? Someone feel free to tell me.

Winehouse Goes Bananas

Amy Winehouse's latest vice is somewhat controversial in that she has now started ... smoking bananas. Locals at St Lucia have taught her how to smoke the banana peel for a natural high. Here's the science ... a compound called tryptophan inside the skins increases the levels of serotonin in the body, which has the same effect as Prozac. But everyone knew that right?

Frost, Gail & Sophie Anderton

Gail Porter got a smack in the nose after trying to break up a fight between Jenny Frost and Sophie Anderton, apparently they were bitching about each other all night and in the midst of trouble, Gail Porter got a bit of a smack. As every man knows, never get involved.

Woss The Joke?

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross' exploits have cost the BBC, and license fee payers, £150k. Of course, it's all swings and roundabouts - the public were the ones who complained and now they pay the price of taking things so seriously. Whether the two will pair up and pay the fine themselves is to be seen.

Don't Want You Back

In what could have been a mind-blowing sensation, the Jackson 5 who were rumoured to be getting back together with Michael Jackson are instead left disappointed as Jacko has refused to even stage a one-off performance with his brothers during his 50 date stint at the O2. The brothers have made it clear it could be the last time they all get to play together but Jacko has made it clear he's not interested. Oh well, Celeb Big Brother again instead.

Friday 3rd April

Pre-Madonna - And in breaking news another child saved from her clutches.

After trying to save the children of Malawi one by one, Madonna has to now come home due to falling off a treadmill and twisting her ankle. Quite coincidentially at the same time as she is allowed, though not required, to attend the final court hearing on her adoption of a local child. I would imagine she is gutted leaving the country...

And JUST IN! Her attempt to adopt the child has FAILED!! She might appeal the decision but it does come to quite a shock for everyone!

Kylie Min-Vogue

To keep her 'young' looks the 40 year old Australian singer has admitted to using Botox, but then goes on to describe it as 'posion' - "Bo-toxic" if you will.

The Fallen Horne

Gavin & Stacey star Mathew Horne has been rushed to hospital after collapsing on stage during the play Entertaining Mr Sloane. What with losing his wallet this week, his TV series getting slated and his film 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' even more so - the star might be fading away.

He's all hype anyway.

Jamie Oliver Cooks Up Another One

Jamie and Jules Oliver have just had their third child! The baby girl has yet to be named and the couple are 'delighted'.

Thursday 2nd April

Winehouse Rocks

Amy Winehouse caused quite a stir at the Hard Rock cafe the other night by buying everyone drinks and flirting with the waitress. Apparently, she was trying to set up one of her bodyguards with the young lady looking after the group and was also flirting with fans during the Bat For Lashes gig party.

Timbaaaaaa

Leona Lewis has announced that acclaimed producer Timbaland will work on her forthcoming album Hard Candy this month. Not bad for a Hackney lass.

Touring's A Killer

The Killers are now apparently so sick of each other that they do nothing but squabble constantly. Pleading for a break, the band are unfortunately commited until 2010! The hard life of a rock star ...

Kylie's Crunch

Kylie Minogue has been spotted shopping at Melbourne's Salvation Army in disguise. Having bought a bunch of dresses, skirt and hat, the entire bill came to a staggering ... £19. Bargain.

Wednesday April 1st

Scho-Fields of Peaches

Peaches Geldof has announced her desire for older men - mainly the silver fox that is Philip Schofield (surely every womans dream) and the more brutal Gordon Ramsay. She is also trying to sell her story of her brief 'marriage' that ended not too long ago.

Jackson's Magic Touch

Following on from yesterday's story on Michael Jackson playing at the O2. Rumours have been circulating that he has asked the magic man himself, David Copperfield, to assist the 50 gigs he's lined up to do in the near future. Expect disappearing acts, disguises and child-like excitement - all of which he's probably used to by now.

The Beater Gets Beaten - Rihanna Ain't No April Fool etc. etc.

Rihanna has finally found her senses and dumped Chris Brown for good. After getting back with the violent rapper only weeks after being beaten up by him, she has finally decided to call it a day.

Roo's The Daddy

Coleen Rooney has been telling friends she is pregnant and apparently both her and Wayne are ecstatic with the news. Maybe this will help his performance against Ukraine tonight.

Tuesday 31st March

Michael Jackson & Prince to duet at O2!

Well ... kind of. There's no Raspberry Beret's but Prince Michael I - Jackson's 12 year old son is going to make his debut at the O2 arena.

Finally Michael can follow in his own Dad's abusive child-labouring steps!

Want You Back For Good

Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow are working in the same recording studio and it's been rumoured the two might get together and get their "creative juices flowing" .... eww.

The Price To Pay

Katie "Jordan" Price has been told she will not be allowed at Jade's funeral even after the deceased reality TV star had forgiven the model for her comments. Instead, she is going through (another) feud with husband Peter Andre who is sick of the limelight.

Marsh Does The Dirt

Kym Marsh confessed how she has been cheating on poor old Jamie Lomas and that was the real reason for the 'amicable' divorce!

Brad In The Pitts

Rumours are spreading that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are going through a 'trail seperation'. Apparently, the long hours and (many) children is starting to take it's toll as well as a 'severe personality clash'. So bad is it, Angelina has reportedly been fainting on set due to her ridiculous eating habits! Maybe another kid will cheer her up...

Mitch Winehouse has called his daughter a 'stupid girl' for still hankering afer Blake who is claiming £5 million as compensation for the amount he's suffered.

Mel B has hit out at Cheryl Cole saying she'd better get her vocal chords in order before she makes the move stateside.

J.Lo has joined Scientology. Eek.

Sophie Anderton has done it again and has made a spectacle of herself by shouting abuse at an innocent girl in Natasha Hamilton's Liverpool bar. Project Catwalk contestant Katy O'Grady was having a drink when Sophie decided to angrily dish out some fashion advice which did not go down well. I hope all celeb arguments now take place in this bar.

Amy Winehouse will make her live comeback in the UK in May at a star-studded series of gigs to celebrate Island Records 50th anniversary with a concert at Shepard's Bush Empire on May 31.

Michael Jackson called Jade in hospital to give her a personal message of support.

Robbie Williams has teamed up with David Gest to end the practise if using skewered live stray dogs as bait for sharks. Weird.

The Sugababes are planning on trying to break America after a stint on the Dutch version of X-Factor

Lily Allen has complained of being skint and has had to sell her car to get some cash.

Blake's new seventeen year old girlfriend has dropped out of school. Amy is learning to drive.

Guy Ritchie's pub The Punch Bowl is becoming the latest celebrity hang out with Jude Law, Jaime Winstone and Alfie Allen all hanging out there.

Madonna is to create a new fashion collection for new ultra-hip designer Ed Hardy who is the godfather of Tattoo.

Razorlight's drummer has quit.

Lauren Conrad has quit The Hills.

Jack Tweed will face trial at the end of March to allow he and Jade precious time together.

Amy Winehouse has apparently accepted her marriage to Blake is over but has said 'I will always love him.' Blake, meanwhile, has apparently been spending lots of time with a 16 year old Essex schoolgirl. Her Facebook status read 'Fran has an exciting secret' and 'Fran is so happy with her boy.'

Michael Jackson is to relaunch his UK career with a series of gigs at the 02 arena.

Kevin Federline has come on board Britney's Circus tour as a $3500 a week nanny so she can be near her sons.

Amy Winehouse is back in the UK. She has flown back to save her marriage after Blake was released last week.

Cheryl Cole et al have completed the first day of their trek up Kilimanjaro.

It is unknown whether Jade will be able to undergo her final interview with Piers Morgan tomorrow after new fears have arisen she has less than a week to live.

Apparently David Walliams and his 18 year old girlfriend are yet to consummate their relationship.

Emma Watson has also been accepted to study at Yale University in addition to Cambridge.

Jade will have to spend her wedding night alone after a jail chief refused to relax Jack Tweed's curfew.

Lily Allen and Lilo got tattoes together in LA yesterday.

The first shocking pictures of Rihanna have emerged: http://www.mrpaparazzi.com/

Natalie Imbruglia and Coldplay have apparently been recording together.

Duffy swept the boards at the Brits last night.

Lady Gaga confessed she'd never heard of Girls Aloud before the Brits last night.

Girls Aloud have vowed to sing at Jade's wedding ceremony.

Jordan has got her very own stalker in America. He waited outside her Malibu house in his car for five days.

BOO. Alexa Chung refused to buy a Comic Relief nose because it didnt go with her dress.

http://www.heatworld.com/Article/9264/Hayden+Christensen/Rachel+and+Hayden+exchange+rings

Jade has said she'll consider dying on television if it helps financially secure her sons' future.

Mitch Winehouse has flown out to St Lucia again after Amy collapsed after messing up her drug-replacement medicine.

Lily Allen has retracted her latest tuppence-worth on drugs: 'Drugs might seem fun but they do funny things to your brain. Some people react to it good, some don’t. Try it and see what you think.'

Lily has responded to the furore surrounding her weightloss: 'They've already said everything about me that they can say. And I've never really cared. I'm my own person, and people can say whatever they want. I'm still going to be the person that I am. And I think that's so important for people in Hollywood. People have their ups and downs. Kids in college get DUIs. Everyone goes through something, and everyone can relate to something. I think that I don't ever want to pretend to be something that I'm not. I'm not perfect; nobody is perfect. If you try to be perfect, you'll probably go crazy. But you should always accept yourself for who you are. And that's what I've done, and I'm happy.'

Lady GaGa kissed a girl AND A BOY and probably liked it, watch the video here: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/music/article2242646.ece

Katy Perry has been seen out with Paris' ex Benji Madden.

Jade and Jack have exchanged wedding rings. She has been told she perhaps only has weeks to live.

Sam and Lilo are still together despite a trademark row at a fashion show afterparty the night before Valentine's Day.

Mischa Barton and Luke Pritchard are back together again.

Kate Moss is apparently three months pregnant.

Chris Brown is 'sorry' about his attack on Rihanna.

Jay Z has issued a warning to Chris Brown: 'Chris is a walking dead man. He's messed with the wrong crew.' Apparently Rihanna's penchant for wearing eye patches on stage wasnt for fashion purposes, but to cover bruises from previous attacks.

Amy Winehouse is planning to move out of Camden and is renting a mansion in Hadley Wood, North London.

An Asian-American woman is suing Miley Cyrus for $4 million after the photo of the Disney star slanting her eyes.

Alexandra Burke has bagged herself a £3.5 million US record deal. Hallelujah, now maybe she'll go away.

Peaches forgot to tell her dad about her divorce and he found out about it whilst surfing the net.

Noel Fielding has invited Courtney Love to form an infamous London drinking group.

Mischa Barton has apparently been hitting the bottle hard since her breakup with Kook's frontman Luke Pritchard.

Leona Lewis is now being blamed for the Chris Brown-Rihanna punch up after Brown allegedly flirting with Leona.

Lily Allen says she's spent over £100k on clothes and jewellery over the past year.

Courtney Love is looking to settle in London.

Sophie Ellis Bextor has given birth to baby boy Kit Valentine nine weeks early.

David Walliams made his first official appearance with his 18 year old girlfriend Lauren Budd at the Elle Style Awards.

The Libertines have turned down a mega bucks deal to headline Reading Festival.

BRILLIANT: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article2225952.ece

Rihanna was apparently smashed around the head several times by boyfriend Chris Brown during a jealous row. Chris then went on the run before turning himself in at a police station. He is cooperating with officers and was bailed for £34000.

Emma Watson has accepted a place at Cambridge to study English.

Abi Titmuss allegedly turned down Mickey Rourke's invitation for a round between the sheets.

Courtney Love was crowned Woman of The Year at the Elle Style Awards.

At an after party for the Grammys Paris Hilton cornered Sir Paul McCartney and asked him to do a duet.

Peaches' marriage is over. Hooray.

Christina Milian is back! (kind of). Her two new films 'Bring it on: Fight to the Finish' and 'The Ghost of Girlfriends Past' are out later this year.

James Cordan and Sheridan Smith are apparently back on again.

Chris Brown is being investigated for assault by police after allegedly attacking a woman in an argument.

Usher pulled out of a performance at the weekend after his wife suffered complications in a plastic surgery op. IN BRAZIL.

Tut tut Chloe Madley: http://www.heatworld.com/Article/8951/Chloe+Madeley/What+do+YOU+think+about+the+Chloe+Madeley+drugs+%e2%80%9cscandal%e2%80%9d