Will swap food for friends

After her amusing appearance at the National Television Awards the other night (watch it here

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lDzKl4H-bt0 - if only for the co-ordinated hand on hip movements and slow pronunication of 'Ro-yal Al-bert Ha-all' - clearly she'd been mumbling it to herself repeatedly backstage to remember it), Paris has said she's lost weight in Britain. And although loneliness can do terrible things to a person, she says the loss has been due to healthy eating and pilates. Maybe her new British best friend can get a few pub lunches down her.

Kate Moss Pregnant?

Once again rumours are flying that Kate Moss is pregnant after she was seen at Heathrow with boyfriend Jamie Hince with a blanket covering her stomach.

Rooney Rooney Rooney Rooney (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Wayne Rooney was cautioned last night for spitting at a photographer after leaving a Chinese restaurant in July. Had Rooney not accepted the caution after a five-week stalemate he would have faced a six month prison sentence. He also had to write a sorry letter to the photographer in question. Bless. I hope someone can help him with it ... 'Dear man, I am all sorry I did a spitting on your face. It was bad. Ok bye then. Lots of love, from Wayne xoxo'

And finally...

• Ex-Atomic sex Kitten Jenny Frost has become the new face and body of Playboy lingerie in the UK
• Sir Bob Geldof was overheard chatting about Peaches' shotgun marriage at The Quantum of Solace afterparty. He seems to have got over it now and said 'my children amuse me.' They amuse us too, Bob.

Stupid Girls

Egg and Mercury sandwich


Yesterday it was an egg, today it's Freddie Mercury. Whatever will Katy do next?


Mayer in trouble

John Mayer could find himself in a whole world of trouble with on/off ladyfriend Jennifer Anniston after telling singer Pink that he only sleeps with 'stupid women'. Pink retorted by saying 'I guess they would have to be' which is not likely to please Anniston either. So now she's going to have to kick two people's asses and it's not even lunchtime yet.

Que?!

Amidst Russell Brand's exit from the Beeb (he's off to the US to make 'quite a lot of films') and uncertainty over Jonathon Ross' fate in the Sachsgate scandal, shy and retiring wallflower Georgina Baillie has admitted that she did sleep with Brand but that his performance was a 'disappointment'. She also said he yelled out 'que?!' between the sheets in honour of Manuel. Hopefully she will go away now.

Dross from Joss

As 'spotted' reports of Joss seen trying on an 'erotic fairy' costume (eugh) in a fancy dress costume in London come in, out pops this new video of Joss doing some talking. She supports Obama because McCain 'seems like an angry man.' Good. Well done Joss. Back in your box now. http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7680/Joss+Stone/Aaaaaaaaaargh!+Joss+Stone+has+opened+her+mouth+again!+MAKE+IT+STOP!

And finally...

• McFly are said to be 'so honoured' to have recorded this year's Children in Need song
• Peter Andre has denied rumours that he and Jordan are to split as b******t
• Abbie Clancy has said she 'loves' to walk around the house naked. Well it's nothing we havent seen before love...
  

No puns allowed

Both Peaches and eggs are featured in today's blog. There is ample opportunity for a lot of pun-based humour but I'm avoiding it for the sake of decency. Read on, young adventurer!

Honeymoon over

The world is united in shock as it appears Peaches' marriage is already in trouble. During one of hubbie Max's recent gigs Peaches caused chaos by apparently going beserk at the side of the stage, running around 'like a gazelle' (that's be worth seeing, does she know how to run or does she have someone to run for her?), distracting the band and generally making a right fool of herself. Max was later seen being consoled by his mum (is he even old enough to be married?) and bandmates banned Peaches from the dressing room. Perhaps Peaches was letting off steam after her first column for NY magazine 'Nylon' prompted unprecedented levels of backlash. Perhaps she's just mental.

Egg Lady Pig Pants

Katy Perry appeared on stage for a gig in the US on her 24th birthday dressed as an egg. She also had a halo on her head and piggy pants. These shots have been released just days after Gwen Stefani dressed up as an egg for a Hallowe'en party. Either eggs are the latest thing in Hollywood, even though the yolks are too fattening, or someone is trying to get publicity ahead of the EMAs. Or she just really likes eggs.

And finally...

• Jessica Taylor and Kelli Young from Liberty X have formed a new band called Danger Minx and are touting demos round record labels. Worst name ever for the worst band ever?

Hudson's Nephew Found Dead

Jennifer Hudson had to identify the body of her nephew yesterday whose body was found in a stolen car. He had been shot. Hudson's brother in law, William Balfour, was still being held last night in connection with the murders of her brother and mother. He denies involvement with the shootings.

Pony > Peter

Amidst further rumours of problems in the Price-Andre household (Andre has jetted off to the States alone after a series of blazing rows over Jordan's drinking) this bizarre video appears. Can't say I ever saw that coming. Also they refer to her as 'supermodel'. Bet Tyra Banks would have something to say about that ...

http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7747/Katie+Price/Jordan+as+you’ve+never+seen+her+before

Also they play Gloria Estefan whilst the horses do dressage. Brilliant.

And finally...

• Looks like Paris is back with boyfriend Benji Madden after flirtations with Princes William and Harry (why have one you can collect the set?). She has, however, denied rumours of being engaged.
• Spotted! Zac Efron and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens loved-up on a beach in Hawaii where they are to attend a friend's wedding. Could there be a High School Wedding? High School Teen Pregnancy? High School Abort- you get where I'm going with this.

Brother in law held over Hudson shootings

A huge hunt is still ongoing for the nephew of Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson after a shooting at her family home which left her mother and brother dead. Jennifer's brother in law has been arrested in connection with the shooting but are yet to find the missing seven year old. Jennifer has since flown home to comfort her sister and the FBI have now joined the hunt. A $1o0,000 reward has now been offered for Julian King's safe return.

Ooh! Pottymouth!

MP Jonathon Whittingdale, Conservative chairman of the Culture, Media and Sport select commitee, called Ofcom to complain about obscene prank telephone calls made to actor Andrew Sachs (who played Manuel in 'Fawlty Towers') by Jonathon Ross and Russell Brand on Brand's Radi0 2 show. The pair left crude voicemails claiming Brand had slept with Sach's granddaughter and that Sachs might kill himself as a result. The messages were apparently left after Andrew did not answer his phone for a pre-arranged interview. So that's a lesson for this week: answer your calls or else Russell's coming for you...

And finally...

• Miley Cyrus, 15, has moved her boyfriend Justin Gaston, 20, into her parents' home



• Peaches Geldof is in a mood after she found out that sister Pixie has been keeping a diary of their wild family life. Oh, to snoop!
  
• Katy Perry has retiliated at the outrage caused last week when a picture was released of her posing with a knife. This time she's posing with a spoon. The caption on Katy Perry.com says 'But I do condone eating ice cream with a very large spoon.'

Mads seeks anger management counselling

Madonna is currently having Kabbalah anger management counselling to help her deal with her issues towards Guy Ritchie in order that their divorce be settled as quickly as possible and with as little harm to their children. The intimate details that led to their divorce have been widely publicised over the last few days, with Guy stating that Madonna's increasingly bizarre controlling and obsessive compulsive behaviour made their marriage a 'nightmare', whereas Madonna says she felt 'emotionally abandoned' by her husband.





Caught with her trousers down

Lindsay Lohan's cameo appearance on 'Ugly Betty' may be cut short due to rumours that her chain smoking, demands that her dressing room be redecorated and time spent making a scrapbook of her own press appearances have upset cast members. Tension recently came to boiling point during rehearsals for a scene in which Lohan's character is humiliated when her trousers are pulled down to reveal her granny pants. Star of the show America Ferrera was apparently not supposed to actually pull her trousers down but did so ... only to reveal Lohan had chosen that day to go commando. Apparently Lohan was so embarrassed she cried. You'd really think she'd be used to it by now?


Lily speaks out

Lily Allen has released a song on her myspace commenting on drugs culture and an accompanying youtube video is currently doing the rounds featuring celebrities in varying states of disrepair. All the usual suspects are there, including Amy and Blake but see how many you can spot ...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tv_uC7Zv008&feature=related


And finally...

• Fall Out Boy have defended Katy Perry after a picture released of her posing with a knife caused anger amid the sad death of another British teenage to knife crime. They say the picture is 'three years old' and is a reference to 'A Clockwork Orange'.
• Jordan was out partying with Paris Hilton last night whilst hubbie Peter Andre was spotted out alone without his wedding ring, fuelling rumours their marriage is in trouble.
• The Smiths are 'closer than ever' to reforming according to rumours. Sources believe they could headline Californian festival Coachella next April...

Rihanna and Justine Get Friendly

Whilst I resent the notion that sexy had ever really gone away, there can be no doubt that it'll be there with bells on in the video for their new song 'Rehab', which has nothing to do with the Amy Winehouse song. Expect one particularly steamy bit on a car bonhet. Just another day in the life, eh?

Britney still has the blues

Britney's latest court case for driving without a licence has been dismissed but despite escaping six months in jail she's still feeling low. When asked by her lawyer to take the stand at the trial she said 'I can't face all those people. I don't want to deal with all the people.' These words come as Brit is on the brink of a new album and a world tour and don't bode well for her rumoured plans to fight for custody of her sons. She does, however, have her 27th birthday party to look forward to which will coincide with a live gig broadcast on TV. She said 'it'll be the biggest birthday bash to ever hit morning TV' but it's still her party and she'll cry if she wants to.

And finally...

• Jimmy Carr was forced to throw out a heckler from a recent gig after he taunted the comedian with shouts of 'you're boring me' before exiting to the toilets to strip off and reappear wearing only a nappy made of toilet paper. Certainly an innovative way of relieving boredom, feel free to try in your own time...



• Kooks frontman Luke Pritchard is in talks with an American director to appear in a B-type horror film. He says 'it's going to be really cheesy but f****d up.' But of course.



• A tramp is now £2000 richer after finding the waxwork head of Sir Paul McCartney in a bin which is reportedly worth £10,000. The tramp had to beg the train fare to hand in the head to Abbey Road studios.

Death Threats for Russell Brand

Next time you're watching the TV and you don't enjoy what you see, don't change the channel, issue a death threat instead. Brand's jokes about Bush and the Jonas Brothers at the MTV awards proved to be a bit too much for some people and he has received death threats. He said: "How can you, while watching the telly, think, 'Oh I don't enjoy this, no I'm not enjoying this at all,' then think, 'Right I'm going to kill him?' That's a huge jump." Imagine how they'd feel if they had to pay a licence fee as well.

A Very Long Engagement
Jade is to marry her boyfriend, Jailbird Jack. She's even going to buy her own engagement ring and he will pay her back when he's released after his 18 month prison term for assault. Ah, true love. Who said romance was dead?










What Katy Did
Katy Perry has been sent to the naughty corner for posing with a knife after Army cadet Joey Lappin was killed by a gang in Liverpool. The American pop star Katy Perry was branded as being "out of her mind" by the father of a British knife-crime victim after posing for a publicity shot brandishing a blade. Kissing girls, playing with knives ... let's just hope she doesnt get it into her head to combine the two. Kissed a girl and made her ... die?

And finally ...

• Billie Piper and delighted hubby Laurence Fox are now the proud parents of 6lb 11oz Winston James following an emergency caesarean. Ex-husband Chris Evans was one of the first visitors and is coveting the role of godparent
• Gabriella Cilmi is set to steal Kylie's pop tiara as she won six Australian Brit Awards, beating Kylie to the Best Female and Best Female Pop Release.
• Britney's promising her raunchiest performance yet when she performs on the X Factor. Brilliant. Note it in your diaries. Cancel all your plans.