Ronson dumps Winehouse

Mark Ronson, who produced Amy Winehouse's award winning album Back To Black has vowed never to work with her again after she pulled out of a video shoot at the last minute. She threw a sickie but pictures revealed she was actually chilling in the Caribbean with husband Blake.

The video was for a cover of The Zutons song Valerie, the third single from Ronson's new album. Thousands of punds had been spent get everything in place and in the end they had to use an Amy lookalike.

Winehouse and Doherty are lightweights

That's the verdict of Bez who says he hasn't spent a minute in rehab in 25 yrs and he's ok. Debatable that one.

He said: 'Pete Doherty is talked about all the time but he's a fucking lightweight. He spends more time in rehab than he does taking drugs for fucks sake.' Love it.

Alomost more amusingly Snoop Dogg has offered to look after troubled Winehouse. 'I want her to know that if she needs a place to chill for a bit, my hood id her hood.' I think that sort of 'chilling' is precisely what she doesn't need...

Doughnuts leave guns unattended

Cops at Gatwick Airport had to buy colleagues doughnuts as a forfeit whenever they left guns unattended. Seems fair.

One left his sub-machine gun in the canteen and had to buy his team a CAKE for being especially careless.

Their antics mirror those of doughnut loving top cop Chief Wiggum in The Simpsons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OghTu0pMWhw

In other news:

• Enrique Iglesias has been offered a £500,000 contract to model condoms. Apparently he's a bit paranoid about that area: 'I'd change my penis if I could. I can never find extra-small condoms'.
• Women spend an average of £8,436 on handbags in their lifetime.
• Posh has landed a guest role in Ugly Betty.
• Two miners who escaped from a collapsed mine in China ate coal and drank urine to survive.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

What is she actually talking about??

Love blames Coogan for Wilson suicide attempt

Courtney Love has accused Alan Partridge star Steve Coogan of being a drug-crazed oddball who pushed Owen Wilson over the edge. Wilson took a pills overdose and slashed his wrists on Sunday after allegedly going on a drugs binge of crystal meth and heroin tablets.

Singer Love said she suffered from Coogan's druggie lifestyle when they were dating. Coogan and Wilson became pals on the set of Night At The Museum.

Coogan's spokesman said the accusations were unfounded and that they were taking legal advice.

Dad fulfils wishes

A Dad of three given weeks to live drew up three wishes and managed them in five days. Keith Turner, who has cancer of the liver, was told he had less than a week before he would be too weak to do anything.

His three wishes were a cup of coffee and a bacon sandwich at his local market, a party for his 250 friends, and beans and scrambled eggs at his local caf. His family pimped his wishes by incorporating Ferrari and yacht trips.

Makes you wonder what your three wishes would be.

Watching football is better for you than sex

Experts say that watching your team burns as many calories as three hours of passion between the sheets and let's face it, not many overweight footie fans are likely to be able to go three hours.

Apparently fans use up to 1,145 calories per match cheering on their team. That's roughly equivalent to two Big Macs and is as beneficial as a 40 minute run.

Sports nutritionist Dr Adam Carey (no relation) said: All fans should come out of they ground a bit slimmer...as long as they don't overdo the pies and beer.

In other news:

• Charlotte Church and Myleene Klass were in a race to give birth so that they could call their daughter Ava. Myleene won. Charlotte is gutted.
• Madonna has apparently been given the green light to adopt another child from Malawi.
• A New York property tycoon has left $12m to her dog in her will.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Infm8wIJRA

Bulgarian rap video. Weird.

Sex Toy Robber

A robber who staged a stick-up with his girlfriend's vibrator was jailed for five years yesterday.

Nicki Jex, 27, robbed a bookies by pointing a bag containing a Rampant Rabbit at the cashier, who thought it was a gun. He then made off with £613 but was tailed to a pub by a customer who heard him boasting.

Obviously not about his ability in bed. That's why she's got the rabbit mate. She'll be needing it to keep her warm at night over the next five years...

Doherty busted again

He was a hero yesterday, but today he's back doing what he does best - getting busted for drug offences.

Police stopped his Jaguar at 2am yesterday 'because of the way it was being driven'. A mate was apparently behind the wheel.

Two weeks ago he was given conditional bail over charges of driving with crack cocaine, heroin, ketamine and cannibis.

He was held in custody last night and is due before West London magistrates today.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic

Mary Poppins trailer recut to look like a horror film.

Doherty turns hero

Pete and his Babyshamble's bandmates leapt to the aid of a motorway car crash victim on Saturday night.

They were on their way to Stafford for their Sunday V gig when they saw a car smash into a concrete barrier.

A source said: 'They saw the overturned car billowing with smoke in the middle of the carriageway. They stopped and pulled a guy in his 50's from the vehicle. He had hit a concrete block on the side of the road and the car flipped over.'

Apparently the man thought he was being robbed and insisted that he only had a few fruit juices!

Foreign Office WAG

Jermaine Defoe's girlfriend, Charlotte Meares, is offering tips to footballers' wives and girlfriends - or anyone copying their jet-set lifestyles - on an official Foreign Office website.

The WAG's Guide To Travel is read by thousands of young Brits heading abroad. WAG's are warned to check their hotel has a beauty parlour before travelling....

A Foreign Office spokesman said: 'These pages are the most used part of the website, getting hundreds of thousands of hits.' Tories branded it a 'frivalous waste of taxpayer's money'.

I hate to agree with them but they have a point...

In other news:

• Paris Hilton is apparently being lined up for Celeb BB. Likely story...

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IawUK166cVQ

Tom cruise getting over-excited.

Record-breaking A-level reults

So it seems A-levels are getting easier, again. For the 25th successive year results have improved - sparking more fears that the exams are being dumbed down.

1 in 10 students now bag straight A grades. Theo Walcott's girlfriend Mel Slade was not one of those, she got B's in psychology and Maths and a C in Biology. Still, that makes her the brainy one in the relationship, Theo left school with 3 GCSE's - a B in PE and C's in Maths and English.

You'd expect a footballer to get an A in PE GCSE... I didn't even know you could take a GCSE in PE.

Posh snubs Chanelle

Chanelle apparently turned down an invitation to go back into the BB house to fly out to LA and meet her idol instead.

Problem was Posh wasn't in such a rush to meet her. A source said: 'She's flattered that Chanelle is a fan but she is in no rush to meet her.'

Chanelle turned up at the Galaxy game on Wednesday only to be left twiddling her thumbs on the wrong side of the VIP area.

Posh may have been spooked by Chanelles' copycat behaviour - The latter arrived at LAX in the same outfit Posh wore on her Stateside arrival...

In other news:

• Winehouse has pulled out of this weekend's V festival.


• Lily Allen has been dropped from the MTV music awards because of a row over her American visa.


• Nicola Roberts says she's very hurt by Lily Allen's recent comments calling her ugly. She is the ugly one though isn't she...?


• Myleene Klass has given birth 3 weeks before her due date.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcMuTsBFQTE

Prince has been in the papers a lot recently. This is a very funny sketch featuring 'the artist formerly known as' from Big Train.

Fake Lotto winner


So a postal worker from Glasgow has won £35.4million and becomes the biggest ever lottery winner. She'll make £21,000 in interest every week which I think everyone will agree is very nice for her. Bitch.


On a more amusing note some bloke pretended he had won the jackpot and proceeded to promise all of his family a share of the prizemoney! His son quite his job and planned to buy a Bentley and emigrate with his family to start a new life. He said: 'We're skint so it was a dream come true. I could kill him. But he's gone to ground and I don't know where he is.'


Get a sense of humour mate...







Footie star gassed after grabbing PC's tackle


West Brom midfielder Jonathan Greening grabbed a copper by the privates during a drunken bar bust-up.


The ex Man U star had been asked to leave the bar in Birmingham after staff saw him smashing light fittings. The cops were called when he refused to do so and as he was led away he seized a bobby by the groin. The PC, who was in 'extreme discomfort' promptly gassed him to make him let go.


Greening was ordered to pay the cop £100 in compensation. How much damage does £100 equate to? A slightly bruised left testicle?






In other news:

• Prince Harry's girlfriend, Chelsy Davy, is moving to the UK to go to Leeds University.



• A warrant is out for Stephen Belafonte's (Mel B's new husband) arrest after he admitted bludgeoning a duck to death with a brick...

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9IHn9ZDw4U&mode=related&search

Wedding crashers recut as 300 trailer.

Gazza to dance the night away

Troubled footie legend Gazza, 40, has signed up for the new series of BBC1's Strictly Come Dancing.

Gazza says he'll be hitting the tango and not the beer after having emergency surgery for a burst stomach ulcer.

Cheeky chappies Ant and Dec were desperate to sign their fellow geordie up for ITV's I'm a Celebrity... but he rejected them at the last minute and will follow in the footsteps of sport stars Denise Lewis and Mark Ramprakash, winner of the last series.

Canny rancher evades crocs

Aussie David George, 53, saved himself from a pair of man-eating crocodiles by staying up a tree for a week. Each night he'd look down to find his stare met by two sets of red eyes as the crocs waited for him to fall out of the tree.

David would yell out: 'Not tonight brothers. I'm not falling out of this tree for you bastards.'

He was finally rescued by an Army chopper after surviving on two meat sandwiches and a risky daily dash for water as the crocs slept.

He scratched the following farewell note to his wife and son on a tin, just in case: 'Surrounded by crocs and snakes. See choppers every day flying too low - can pass a footy to the blind pricks. Love you my son.

Britney's lesbo romp

Britney's pool romp has surfaced and it seems she was getting jiggy with her former PA Shannon Funk.
The troubled singer ordered minders to leave the pool area so that she could enjoy her lesbian love-in, but it seems she was still spotted by a few peeking toms.

One onlooker said: 'Britney seemed more into this girl than she has ever been into a guy.'

Does Britney still actually release any music??

In other news:

• Cheeky girl Gabriela Irimia has slapped a sex ban on Lembit Opik because of pain from kidney stones.
• Johnny Borrell is rumoured to be planning a split from Razorlight to go solo.
• Pharrell says the Princes' concert for Diana was all his idea. Modest as always.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GpTTf175aE

A music video from Flight of the conchords, the Kiwi comedians I posted yesterday. It features that girl from Clueless and Peep Show.

Amy and Blake in rehab

You can't keep Winehouse or her husband out of the papers. The two of them have checked into rehab in the US after a showdown with their families in which they admitted they were addicted to heroin and coke.

This comes after Amy collapsed last week following a three-day bender.

The two of them denied injecting heroin and stripped off in front on Blake's mum, Georgette, to prove it.

Last night they were spending their third night at the clinic, where they are sharing a room. They have agreed to have their phones confiscated and to have no contact with the outside world.

Alex Turner chases Lily

Arctic monkey Alex Turner has been sending flirty texts to Lily Allen, but far from returning the favour Lily has been laughing about them with friends, fans, her boyfriend and anyone who'll listen. Oh dear. It seems the Sheffield singer had suggested she come to his hotel room ro he go to hers...

This comes after Alex had asked for a 13-year-old girls number after a gig a few weeks ago.

British men top sex survey

Far from being shit in bed it seems British men are the world's best lovers and have the most fun in bed, according to a study organised by a Men's health magazine.

Editor David Zinczenko said: 'My guess is that in Britain, where chivalry was invented, the women are actually getting more gentlemanly attention and conversational interplay with their guys.'

'Italian men think they don't have to bother, because they are by definition great lovers.' In fact, the study revealed that Italian men were the most sexually unsatisfied.

British sex expert Emily Dubberley said: 'British men aren't scared to ask for what they want in bed.'

Poland came second and the Netherlands third.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbbxA8a_M_s&mode=related&search

Two Kiwi comedians have a gangster rap battle. Pretty funny.

Danielle and Charley: Round 1

Ousted BB housemate Charley had a foul-mouthed showdown with rival wag wannabe Danielle Lloyd after the latter had allegedly called her 'a horrible dog'.

Charming Charley confronted everyone's favourite racist on Saturday at the Embassy club in London but Danielle told Charley to 'f*** off and get a life'. Seems a bit rich...

They made up later in the night with Danielle giving Charley a kiss through her car window. Judas.








Weird kiwis

A couple from New Zealand are looking to call their newborn son Superman, but only because their chosen name 4Real has been rejected by the government registry.

Pat and Sheena Wheaton plan to beat the system by officially calling their son Superman but referring to him as 4Real. Pat Wheaton said: 'No matter what it's going to stay 4Real, I'm certainly not a quitter.'

The Wheatons decided on the name after seeing the baby for the first time in an ultrasound scan and realising their baby was "for real". Inspired.











Put down your coffees



A teenager was taken to hospital after overdosing on expresso coffee. Jasmine Willis, 17, developed a fever and began hyperventilating after downing seven double espressos while working at her family's sandwich shop.



Ms Willis, who had thought the coffees were single measures, said the effects were so severe that she began laughing and crying for no reason while serving customers at the shop.



Jasmine said: "I did not realise this could happen to you and I only hope other people learn from my mistake." Her father added: "I have always stressed to my children the importance of moderation but Jasmine got caught out on this occasion."



Probably better coffee than heroin.



In other news:

• Dannii Minogue says she has the hots for Simon Cowell. Couldn't be anything to do with her making a mint judging X factor could it?
• Lohan is in rehab for a third time and has been making herself useful cleaning loos.
• Brad Pitt is currently on Jury service, although he hasn't been chosen for a trial yet.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiBxAINDb5k

Celine Dion being weird.

Billie goes blind

Billie Piper was treated in hospital yesterday after a sudden attack of blindness. The 24-year-old actress couldn't open her eyes after a night out at the Ivy where she was spotted peering closely at her mobile, clearly having trouble focusing.

There were fears that she had damaged her retina but apparently the damage to her sight is non-permanent.

Too many years spent staring at Chris Evans' ginger mop.

Is Winehouse set for rehab?

The troubled singer apparently collapsed in A&E after being dragged to hospital by panicked husband Blake Fielder-Civil. She has blamed her brief stint in hospital on 'severe exhaustion' but close friends yesterday spoke of her 'car-crash lifestyle' and urged her to get help.

One friend said: 'She's not the kind of person who listens. She is brilliantly talented and at the top of her game but the pressure is immense. She can't help herself going into dark places. She needs a break from everything.'

She's just been nominated for three MTV vidoe music awards and will grace the front cover of American vogue but is it all too much for her?

Classy Jordon

The glamour girl, who gave birth to Princess Tiaamii (what's that about??) six weeks ago, shocked party-goers at a celeb bash on Tuesday night by telling bad taste jokes and throwing up in the loos.

She was overheard joking to pals: 'Ooh, Mike Tyson. I'd love him to rape me.' She then boasted: 'Pete's got a big d***!' Congrats on that Pete.

Earlier she had moaned about never being in the papers because she was a boring stay-at-home Mum. Way to turn it round Jordon.

Mel B marries husband no 2 in secret

Scary Spice wed film producer Stephen Belafonte two months ago in Las Vegas and she did it in the middle of a battle to prove Eddie Murphy was the dad of her four-month-old daughter Angel Iris - which the Hollywood actor now admits.

She said: 'Stephen and I have known each other for seven years. We wanted to make a commitment.'

Couldn't they have just got joint cinema membership or something?

In other news:

• The Beckhams are getting to grips with American lingo. Victoria said: 'We've starting to say trunk instead of boot, trash instead of rubbish, that kind of thing.'


• Chris Tarrant's jilted wife Ingrid has hit back by claiming her husband has problems getting it up and needs to take Viagra.


• Britney may lose custody of her kids after a tape of her romping in a pool was released.
  
  

Clip of the day:

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/33f2687080

Another funny Will Ferrell sketch involving his daughter.

Beckhams to launch their fragrance in the US

Becks may only have played 16 mins of competetive action for LA Galaxy since his move, but he's been a busy man elsewhere. His and Victoria's fragrance, Intimately Beckham, will hit department stores next month.

Industry analysts are estimating that the Beckham fragrance empire, which also includes the midfielder's own scent, Instinct by David Beckham, will generate $100 million in worldwide sales this year, and twice that next year.

What is it with pretentious fragrance names? No real thought goes into them. I could make up three without pausing to think; Ethos, Redemption, Coal Miners.

Don't know where that last one came from.






The best shaved head in Hollywood

Mena Suvari has shaved her head, but how does her new look stack up against other celebs who have also gone crazy with a razor?

http://www.eonline.com/gossip/hum/detail/index.jsp?uuid=e8fb2ea4-fb72-465b-b37e-205151225c05&sid=fd-hot2-txt

Cast your vote.

Clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s21iWoOLvTE

Pretty amazing clip of a Killer Whale and a guy in a kayak coming face to face.

http://www.break.com/index/cop-checks-reporter-into-wall.html

A 'cop' body checks a female reporter.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=chV_EPTahJc

A funny if slightly disgusting clip from Family Guy

Abortion rate hits all-time high

An 18-year-old girl has had her sixth abortion shocked medica revealed yesterday. According to new Department of Health figures a massive 18,619 under-18's went under the knife last year, including 135 girls under 14.

Britain's teenage abortion rate is now the highest ever. According to anti-abortion charity Alive and Kicking 'this is the result of the modern attitude to sexuality, that sex is just a recreational activity.' They added: 'The Government's sex education classes are clearly not encouraging responsibility.'

9 of the 10 areas for teen abortions are in London. The highest rate was Lambeth, where 1 in 22 teenagers had the operation.

Calvin Harris calls for teen house parties


The singer has encouraged thousands of teens to host wild Skins-style parties on the same night while their parents are on holiday.

Almost 1000 fans have signed up to throw bashes on Saturday August 18th, a weekend when parents are likely to be away, with thousands likely to follow.


People visiting Harris' website are urged to 'take part in a unique event with more simulataneous house parties happening across the country than ever before.' The fan who comes up with the best idea will win a performance from Harris at his or her house.

It might have been acceptable in the 80's mate....

Lily banned from the US

Lily Allen has had her US visa cancelled after being held at LA International airport, locked in a cell and strip-searched.

She had flown in to film a music video with Kanye West and to attend the MTV video music awards launch in Las Vegas. She was questioned about her arrest in London in March following a clash with a photographer.

Her visa has been revoked and she fears that once she leaves America she may not be allowed to return for her scheduled tour in September.

Seems a bit rich banning our wayward stars, Hilton and Lohan are over here the whole time being given private shopping trips in Topshop.

In other news:

• Kerry Katona has taken her husband back and demanded he takes a lie detector test over claims of two affairs. Good luck mate.
• Gwen Stefani's favourite programme is the Antiques Roadshow...
• Tom Cruise has taken to mimicking Posh Spice's accent. Cheeky midget.
• Kate Moss may get royalties from Doherty's next album after he admitted she penned the track 'You Tell' while they lay in bed.

Clips of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWvQ3H1MOwA

A gormless boxer has trouble getting in and out of the ring.

http://www.break.com/index/dude-gets-bit-by-large-spider.html

I dare you to sit through this one.

118 118 staff taunt customers

Not a week goes by without another Facebook exposé hitting the tabloids. People need to wake up, the papers have cottoned on to the website's potential.

Anyway, this Facebook page has been set up by staff to abuse 'the twats who pay 49p to call them'. One worker boasted of scrawling callers' numbers on the walls of public toilets. Nice. Another entry reads: 'Re-discover the phonebook, you lazy bastards.'

The revelation is set to have callers hanging up in their droves. It's enough to put me off, not that I'm too lazy to use a Yellow Pages.



Robbie may return to Take That

Clearly he's realised that his career is in freefall and he wants in on a bit of Take That comeback action. He has repeatedly snubbed requests to join the others, but now that they're doing better than him for the first time since they split he is set to make a U turn.

Before all you die hard Take That fans get over-excited I must remind you that this is all paper talk and is probably based solely on wild speculation.

There are no direct quotes from any of them and the papers just report that that Mark Owen, Gary Barlow and Robbie met for dinner in LA and seemed happy to see each other. That said, you wouldn't put it past Robbie, he does love that limelight.



Chippie granny

Connie Brown will celebrate her 100th birthday today by frying up fish and chips in her shop as usual.

She has been working at the chippie since she and her late husband opened it in 1928 and she doesn't want to mark the milestone by taking a day off.

She said: 'I love my work. Why should I slacken because it's my 100th? I love the feel of the cod in my hands as I skin it and I still enjoy frying.'

She was awarded an MBE two years ago. What a legend.

In other news:

• Kerry Katona has thrown out her husband, ex-cabbie Mark Croft, over claims he twice cheated on her.
• Big Bro star Charley will have intensive anger management coaching to curb her temper and she may have a film crew with her to record the therapy. What a surprise. Nothing like cashing in on your bad qualities.
• Lindsay Lohan has asked a local photographer to chart Calum Best's every move. She added: 'Calum is me in male form. We're very similar - stubborn, rebellious, very smart, coy, a little bit narcissistic.' You can't fault her humility...

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--Vaz9jW054

Funniest rap song ever by a rapper called Speak from Hungary.

Amy Winehouse storms America

Amy's album Back To Black was already doing very nicely in the US but she's set to become a trans-Atlantic sensation after Anna Wintour insisted she don the front cover of American Vogue.

She's also been chosen to front the Style bible's Sepember issue, traditionally the highest selling.

Skinner's drug stunt

Mike Skinner, who is struggling to complete his long awaited fouth album with The Streets, reportedly indulged in a bit of a drug fest on his sell-out Beats Tour of Scotland.

His support act, Eliot Gleave, blew the lid off the secret mayhem: 'It was carnage up in Scotland. Mike tried not to get involved - until the last night. Then he asked all the audience to chuck all their drugs on stage and they did! All these pills rained down. After that things got pretty messy.

That's nice isn't it. You give a struggling musician a break by letting him support you on a sell-out tour and he shops you. Not much of a 'support' act if you catch my drift...

In other news:

• Nicole Richie has asked to serve her jail sentence in the same LA County jail as Paris Hilton. Isn't that sweet.
• Marilyn Manson reportedly squandered his band's earnings on disturbing Nazi memorabilia and a skeleton of a young chinese girl...
• Singer Gwen Stefani has agreed to tone down her dance moves and scrap revealing costumes when she performs in Malaysia this month, after complaints from Muslim students.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6n4iqocDXr4

The classic Rainbow clip. If you haven't seen it, you should have.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h70UetR3LaA&mode=related&search=

Bo Selecta isn't everyone's cup of tea, but this is very funny.

Thursday, 2 August 2007

Spice Girls could hit Iraq

The girls have given fans the chance to vote for where they play next on their world tour. And a massive internet campaign could mean the Spice Girls end up performing in war-torn Iraq.

A spokesman told The Sun: 'The girls will go anywhere in the world that gets the most votes - be it Baghdad or Antarctica.'

I'm sure the girls could solve all of Iraq's problems with a gig, but I think I would prefer to see them singing on a melting iceberg in Antarctica.



Becks backlash

America seems to be turning on Beckham already... Angry 'soccer' fans hit out at Becks yesterday for failing to turn up at an LA Galaxy game after they paid double the normal price to see him.


One placard read: 'David, welcome to America - where people like you get paid to do nothing.' Lay off him, he's only getting paid $250m over five years.

The Americans better not get too bored of him, it seems we don't want him or Victoria back.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/keepthebeckhams/index.html








Keith: I'll live to 150



Keith Richards says he'd like to live to 150 despite his legendary rock 'n' roll lifestyle. The Rolling Stone, 63, who had a brain op last year after falling from a tree, is apparently in great shape. Doctors were amazed to tell him that his heart, liver and kidneys are all perfect.



Keith said: 'I still smoke like a fucking chimney. Get me some good weed.' He added: 'I've seen my Mum off. Snorted my Dad. I'm an orphan. Mind you, I'm looking to be a good 150 before I think about croaking.'



Good luck with that Keith.



In other news:

• Despite being re-investigated over Stuart Lubbock's death Barrymore is considering going on I'm A Celebrity. Smart move I think.
• Brad and Ange are said to be on the verge of splitting up after having a blazing row in which she threw a glass of wine over him.
• Alongside that Jennifer Aniston is reportedly teaming up with Ange to end world poverty by 2025.
• David Gest is a big fan of Amy Winehouse: ' I love that beehive she wears. I love her tattoos, I'd lick her toes.' He went on: 'I'm in love with Amy, I'd like to lick the inside of her hair - I'd probably find KFC stuck in it.'

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZup3JcZ6bY

An old one, but a good one. Celine Dion gets very emotional talking about Hurricane Katrina. Hold out for her song at the end.

Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Britney's Disney Divorce

The increasingly loony slaphead (Daily Star's words, not mine), is celebrating the completion of her divorce from K Fed by taking him and their two sprogs (Daily Star again) to Disneyland.

Apparently she wants to butter him up before the custody hearing on August 14. He can't be that stupid, surely.... can he? In my heart of hearts I think I know the answer. Sorry K Fed, but you did think you could rap - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aam1pDl8wnM. If you can be bothered to sit through this it's pretty funny.

That said he has just secured £12,000 a month spousal support.

Michael Caine releases debut album

No joke, the ageing actor is releasing a selection of ambient dance tracks entitled 'Cained'

He realised the depth of his music knowledge while chilling with Sir Elton John in the South of France. Big Elton was playing his own chill-out collection and the Cainer knew every one.

The final word from Caine: 'With chill-out I found my thing.'

ITV faked death

Fresh from the BBC pissing off the Queen by falsely showing her storming out of a photo shoot, ITV have decided to get in on the act by faking the on-screen death of an Alzheimer's sufferer.

Producers filmed what was billed as the 66 yr old man's dying moments when in fact it was the moment he slipped into a coma two and a half days before he died.

Michael Grade has ordered a probe into the scandel.

In other news:

• An old lady asked Kylie Minogue for a cup of tea yesterday because she was dressed as a waitress for filming of Dr Who.


• Calum brazenly gets off with a blonde in St Tropez while girlfriend Lohan faces jail.


• Jordon says of three-week-old daughter Princess Tiaamii: 'I love her, even if she is a ginge.'


• Pete Doherty declares that his relationship with Moss 'became like the Vietnam war'.

Clip of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3f6WMSXQNg

C4's newsgirl Sue Turton gets her bum pinched while reporting on the floods but soldiers on professionally.

In America a newsgirl is less calm and collected when her report is sabotaged...

http://my.break.com/media/view.aspx?ContentID=284383