Tuesday, 31 July 2007

Kelly Osbourne in Chicago




So Kelly has slimmed down to take on the role of Mama Morton in Chicago and she looks pretty good, just check out any of today's tabloids.


Ironically the role has been played by more voluptuous actresses such as Alison Moyet.












Becks shuns The Simpsons


David Beckham has reportedly turned down appearing on The Simpsons. He would be following in the footsteps of such illustrious names as Tony Blair, Stephen Hawking and Ringo Starr.




Apparently his feathers were ruffled by an episode in 2004 which referred to his alleged fling with Rebecca Toilet.









Pete and Kate



That's Doherty and Moss not André and Jordon.



He wants her back, she won't talk to him, so he's communicating with her via the Daily Mirror. Apparently she broke up with him because she suspected him of cheating on her with a groupie.



Pete says: "We were watching a DVD together and Kate started going 'I could tell by the way you were sitting back there that you've f*****d her'. I said 'You're out of your f*****g mind.' " Exciting stuff.



He goes on to say: "I was relly up for some peace and love that morning. I wasn't up for being called a c*** and being kicked in the head."

I don't often find myself agrreing with Pete, but I can see his point of view.


In other news:

• The Beckham boys are going to be taken out of school to go on tour with the Spice Girls. Apparently David will be joining them on the bus as well.


• Courtney Love is going under the knife again to get rid of her trout pout. She said: 'I just want the mouth God gave me back.'


• Diva Jennifer Lopez has warned young celebs about the poeple surrounding them. Apparently they are called 'enablers' and they will agree with anything the celeb says, no matter what the consequences.


• Britney's marriage to K Fed is officially over after the divorce papers finally went through.


• Nicole Richie has been sentenced to four days in jail for drink-driving. Anything Paris can do...

Clip of the day:

http://www.break.com/index/kicking-footballs-into-cars.html

'What the fuck is ADD? Are you speaking Greece?'

Monday, 30 July 2007

Page 3 girls to the rescue

A Great White has been spotted off the coast of Cornwall for the second time in a week. Slightly alarming.

Luckily a Page 3 'stunner', dressed in a Baywatch outfit with a pair of binoculars, was keeping watch yesterday to keep swimmers safe.

You can always rely on a Page 3 girl to be on hand in the appropriate uniform at a minor disaster. Very reassuring I think you'll agree.








Arctic Monkey

The sound cut out on the Arctic Monkeys while they played a set at the Old Trafford cricket ground yesterday. The boys carried on playing for five minutes without realising.



Afterwards frontman Alex Turner posed for a photo with a female fan. After asking for her number he was informed by mates that she was only 13... Whoops.










Charley has bedded a Premiership footballer

One of the most unexpected news stories of the day is that Charley from Big Brother has bedded a Premiership footballer. I didn't see that one coming.

She has made the revelation fresh from being booted out of the Big Brother house last friday. She won't reveal who for fear of upsetting her cousin Kieran Richardson.



Let the guessing commence.



In other news:

• The Spice girls are having their 'comeback tour' outfits designed by Donatella Versace. Cue a slimming frenzy.
• Bosses axed Britney's latest video shoot after the singer struggled with her moves and looked disorientated. A pal has been quoted as saying she could 'squander her chance to get her career back on track'.
• P Diddy has been spotted getting cosy with Claude Makelele's wife.
• Russel Brand has been bragging about his 'superb' performance in his sex scene in the new St Trinian's film.
• Kate Moss opened her arms to Pete Doherty after he came out of rehab only to be spurned in favour of his ex Ndine Ruddy.

Clip of the day

http://www.break.com/index/robert-de-niro-is-energetic.html

Don't tell De Niro how to act...

Friday, 27 July 2007

Jodie Marsh is all over the papers today - the only story worth mentioning.

so sit back and relax and enjoy the following clips

Clips of the day:

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAX6yi60OPY

Richard Madeley. TV gold.

2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O66LehVnnIY&mode=related&search=

Another Adam Buxton skit. Nice simple but effective idea.

3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUBWapP4xaM

David Blaine deserves to have the piss taken out of him. Twat.

4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFqQOlYE4EE

This is a clip of someone skiing down the escalator at Angel tube station. The escalator is apparently the longest in Europe.

I used to imagine what it would be like to rollerblade down the bit inbetween the escalators, so pretty close.

The BBC say police are trying to track down the offender and press charges.

Thursday, 26 July 2007

Grim-Reaper cat

A freaky cat in a nursing home in Rhode Island curls up at the feet of elderly residents hours before they die.

There have been 25 cases in the last year and his accuracy has led staff to call family once he has chosen someone....

GMTV phone-in scandal

GMTV has pledged £35m to refund viewers ripped off by its premium phone-line scandal.

Presenters Kate Garraway and Ben Shepherd have urged viewers to phone-in for their refunds.

Calls cost £7 a minute...

Girls Aloud stalker

A cyber-sicko has penned chilling stories about how he is going to rape, torture and kill each member of Girls Aloud.

The story is called Girls (scream) Aloud.

To be fair he has written a warning saying: "I can not stress enough that this is strictly fictitious."...

Clip of the day

Did The Vauxhall Corsa Puppets Hire A Prostitute?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tu2xcyifTAw

My theory:

One of the C’Mons (the red one) has hired a prostitute for the *band* to enjoy. While he’s showering himself down after the event, the prostitute decides that the 20 quid she got for doing the dirty with a band of puppets wasn’t enough, so she steals their Corsa as a tip. This goes down particularly badly with the Red puppet who has to wake the rest of the band enjoying a post-orgy nap (in the same bed) to chase after her.

Anyone else got a theory?

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Girl guides want safe sex

Britain's teenage pregnancy epidemic is under threat after a survey revealed that 80% of 16 to 25-year-olds in the movement want safe-sex advice.

55% also want to learn more about flat pack furniture and 93% want guidance on how to manage money, so at least those who still have babies will be better equipped to set-up home...

Looney Lohan

Lindsay Lohan has been arrested following a driving offence. She was caught driving under the influence. The article doesn't say what she was under the influence of, probably Paris Hilton....

What is it about these young, beautiful Hollywood wasters? At least our wasters have got a bit more of an edge to them. I reckon Lily Allen would fuck Spears, Lohan and Hilton up in a fight.

Anyone for a swim?

Finally, the Thames is set to hit its highest point tomorrow, so blow up your inflatable dinghys and get your swimmers on.

If I paddle my boat to work will I still have to pay for a parking space?

Clips of the day

1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FahBBnfHAQ

Facebook seems to be a devisive issue, people appear to love it or hate it. This clip explores Facebook's stalking potential.

2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ha7VwGJDsrk

Amazing clip of Phillipino inmates doing the Thriller video. The ladyboy is a nice touch.

Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Doherty - Rehab or Jail?

It's either rehab or jail for tortured Pete. He has been warned he'll be banged up for possessing drugs if he fails to stay on the programme.

So, a week after walking out he's back on his £3000 course in Harrogate, North Yorks and he's been spotted drinking tea in the garden.

Who reckons he'll last the course?

Radcliffe comes into £20m

The Harry Potter star turned 18 yesterday and picked up £20m in the process. Up until now the money has been stored in a trust fund.

He says he might splash out and spend a tenner on a CD but doesn't want to be extravagent. What a loser.

I reckon Doherty could give him some useful tips on how best to spend his money.

Class of 2007

A survery of 70,000 10 to 15 yr old has been carried out.

18% of 14-15 yr old boys were fairly sure or certain that their friends carried weapons for protection when going out. Bloody hell!

On the plus side the number of kids smoking has dropped over the past decade so at least they're less likely to die of lung disease if they escape getting shot.

Clip of the day

http://funnyordie.com/videos/74

Will Ferrell gets hassled by his daughter for rent. Genius.

Monday, 23 July 2007

Desperate Defoe

Jermain Defoe has responded to claims he cheated on model Charlotte Mears with an 18 yr old shop girl by bringing their wedding forward a year.

Smacks of guilt to me.

S & M Tortoises

Two kinky female tortoises, aged 100 and 50, have had parts of their shells replaced with fibreglass.

Apparently, during sex, male tortoises smash their shells against females forcing them into submission.

Maggie Bryant, of the Hampshire Tortoise Society said: "When Spring arrives the male is so obsessed that he does not eat, he can only think about doing it. It's not nice for the neighbours. They make a lot of noise."

What I want to know is how long it takes them to have sex? "Clear your week love, I'm feeling frisky..."

Jason Orange Pens TV Drama

It's called Popstars and Pilots and is about a group of thirtysomethings in London.

Nobody likes an overachiever Jason.