Pete Who?

Legendary rocker Pete Townshend is divorcing his wife of 40 years today. Though they split in 1994 after Pete had an affair, he has currently been living with his girlfriend Rachel Fuller, 35 in Richmond. Maybe now he can concentrate on finishing that paedophilia research he started in 2003 because no-one has heard anything yet since he got caught with pictures!

Not So Goody For Parks

Michael Parkinson has unleashed a tirade against deceased celebrity Jade Goody. He claims she represented "all that's paltry and wretched about Britain today." That she was "ignorant ... puerile" and shouldn't be made a saint. Parkinson actually attacking someone, not being a sycophant and being controversial! Surely that's bigger news.

They Tried To Make Me Put My Clothes On .. I Said No, No, No

Amy Winehouse has been stirring up a fuss in her Caribbean hotel by refusing to not sunbathe topless, much to the dismay of other guests. However, instead of dealing with it amicably, the pop star instead had a hissy fit and stormed around by the pool shouting nonsense. Sexy.

Also brand new blog coming soon! Watch this space...

Victoria's Fun & Spicy Image

Victoria Beckham is trying to rid herself of her 'miserable' image. She's annoyed that people think she's just a miserable 'b*tch who just goes shopping everyday'. She's been saying how 'people get preconceptions ... It's been hard to change people's thinking, which is what I've set out to do'... By doing what exactly? Someone feel free to tell me.

Winehouse Goes Bananas

Amy Winehouse's latest vice is somewhat controversial in that she has now started ... smoking bananas. Locals at St Lucia have taught her how to smoke the banana peel for a natural high. Here's the science ... a compound called tryptophan inside the skins increases the levels of serotonin in the body, which has the same effect as Prozac. But everyone knew that right?

Frost, Gail & Sophie Anderton

Gail Porter got a smack in the nose after trying to break up a fight between Jenny Frost and Sophie Anderton, apparently they were bitching about each other all night and in the midst of trouble, Gail Porter got a bit of a smack. As every man knows, never get involved.

Woss The Joke?

Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross' exploits have cost the BBC, and license fee payers, £150k. Of course, it's all swings and roundabouts - the public were the ones who complained and now they pay the price of taking things so seriously. Whether the two will pair up and pay the fine themselves is to be seen.

Don't Want You Back

In what could have been a mind-blowing sensation, the Jackson 5 who were rumoured to be getting back together with Michael Jackson are instead left disappointed as Jacko has refused to even stage a one-off performance with his brothers during his 50 date stint at the O2. The brothers have made it clear it could be the last time they all get to play together but Jacko has made it clear he's not interested. Oh well, Celeb Big Brother again instead.

Friday 3rd April

Pre-Madonna - And in breaking news another child saved from her clutches.

After trying to save the children of Malawi one by one, Madonna has to now come home due to falling off a treadmill and twisting her ankle. Quite coincidentially at the same time as she is allowed, though not required, to attend the final court hearing on her adoption of a local child. I would imagine she is gutted leaving the country...

And JUST IN! Her attempt to adopt the child has FAILED!! She might appeal the decision but it does come to quite a shock for everyone!

Kylie Min-Vogue

To keep her 'young' looks the 40 year old Australian singer has admitted to using Botox, but then goes on to describe it as 'posion' - "Bo-toxic" if you will.

The Fallen Horne

Gavin & Stacey star Mathew Horne has been rushed to hospital after collapsing on stage during the play Entertaining Mr Sloane. What with losing his wallet this week, his TV series getting slated and his film 'Lesbian Vampire Killers' even more so - the star might be fading away.

He's all hype anyway.

Jamie Oliver Cooks Up Another One

Jamie and Jules Oliver have just had their third child! The baby girl has yet to be named and the couple are 'delighted'.

Thursday 2nd April

Winehouse Rocks

Amy Winehouse caused quite a stir at the Hard Rock cafe the other night by buying everyone drinks and flirting with the waitress. Apparently, she was trying to set up one of her bodyguards with the young lady looking after the group and was also flirting with fans during the Bat For Lashes gig party.

Timbaaaaaa

Leona Lewis has announced that acclaimed producer Timbaland will work on her forthcoming album Hard Candy this month. Not bad for a Hackney lass.

Touring's A Killer

The Killers are now apparently so sick of each other that they do nothing but squabble constantly. Pleading for a break, the band are unfortunately commited until 2010! The hard life of a rock star ...

Kylie's Crunch

Kylie Minogue has been spotted shopping at Melbourne's Salvation Army in disguise. Having bought a bunch of dresses, skirt and hat, the entire bill came to a staggering ... £19. Bargain.

Wednesday April 1st

Scho-Fields of Peaches

Peaches Geldof has announced her desire for older men - mainly the silver fox that is Philip Schofield (surely every womans dream) and the more brutal Gordon Ramsay. She is also trying to sell her story of her brief 'marriage' that ended not too long ago.

Jackson's Magic Touch

Following on from yesterday's story on Michael Jackson playing at the O2. Rumours have been circulating that he has asked the magic man himself, David Copperfield, to assist the 50 gigs he's lined up to do in the near future. Expect disappearing acts, disguises and child-like excitement - all of which he's probably used to by now.

The Beater Gets Beaten - Rihanna Ain't No April Fool etc. etc.

Rihanna has finally found her senses and dumped Chris Brown for good. After getting back with the violent rapper only weeks after being beaten up by him, she has finally decided to call it a day.

Roo's The Daddy

Coleen Rooney has been telling friends she is pregnant and apparently both her and Wayne are ecstatic with the news. Maybe this will help his performance against Ukraine tonight.