The F Word and The C-Word (cheater, not the other c-word)

Oh dear. Looks like Gordon Ramsey's in trouble again and this time it's not his potty mouth or the fact he ate a puffin that's put him in the naughty corner. Ramsey has been accused of having a secret seven year affair with author Sarah Symonds. The dad of four has shrugged off the allegations that his marriage is in trouble but Symonds is known as 'Queen of Infidelity' and has already had an affair with Lord Jeffrey Archer and wrote a book on advice for mistresses and Ramsey has allegedly had several meetings with his new bit of crumpet. However when asked about the affair he simply replied 'It's time for Sunday lunch. I'm starving.' Simple and to the point.

My new best boyfriend

Poor Paris hasnt taken splitting up with beau Benji Madden very well. Apparently our second favourite President has taken to following him round LA in an attempt to win him back. She even tried to persuade her gaggle of witches to head down to club Villa when she heard he was there. Unfortunately the only wingman she could muster was Avril Lavigne who I doubt would have been much of a help. Not to menti0n the fact Benji scarpered the minute he heard Paris was on her way. Totally Paris Hilton, anyone?

Pic n Mix

• Madonna's quickie divorce went through in 8 mins
• Russell Brand is the bookies' fav to deliver C4's alternative Xmas message
• Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz have called their baby Bronx Mowgli. That is stupid.
• Amy has paid for Blake's £30,000 rehab tab
• Natalia Imbruglia and Rhys Ifans were seen kissing and groping all night at the Atlantis Hotel bash in Dubai. She is surely about his market value?

britney to play GAY after x factor