Robbie wants to rejoin Take That

Robbie Williams admitted last night that he'd love to be in Take That again. Rbbbie has just bought a £7m country mansion and says he is 'over the moon' about Take That's refound success. He has even had the Take That symbol tattooed on his right arm and said 'I'd like to think we'd be the only band in the history of music to get together because of artistic differences.' Apparently he and Gary have had a formal dicussion about recording a one-off reunion gig for a DVD. *insert your own derivative of a joke about Robbie being 'Back for Good here*

How to survive the credit crunch

Forget credit crunch lunch and moneysavingexpert.com, the best way to deal with the credit crunch according to Paris Hilton is to 'wear happy colours.' BUT WHAT IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD THEM?

Lily vs Katy

Katy calls Lily fat. Lily says 'she was signed by my label in America, who said 'we need someone controversial and kooky like Lily Allen''. Katy, your move. Ting ting, round three.

Fishing for Aliens

Robbie Williams is going deep sea diving fishing aliens in a trip just off the coast of California. He said 'I heard about these sightings at Malibu of things going into the water. I thought it would be quite exciting to be on a very small object [jet skis] very high over the ocean floor knowing there might be something down there.' We've all got to have a hobby but can some explain to Robbie what fish are?

Blake House

On the same day it was revealed Blake brought Amy a drug fix in rehab after being clean for ten days it has come to light that Amy has taken up a rather bizarre ritual to mourn the loss of her Blakey: sitting in the house wearing her wedding dress wearing gin just like Miss Havisham in Great Expectations. I doubt she gets the reference.

Lilo, Sam and ... Danielle Lloyd?

Unlikely wannabe lesbytarian Danielle Lloyd looks like she trying to nuzzle in on the lady loving between Lilo and Sam. Danielle is planning a party for La Lohan's next birthday with a sexy superhero theme at an Essex nightblub after she met the couple recently. Apparently she keeps hinting she wants to bat for the other team ... and if she comes to the party in a Muff Woman outfit we'll know the truth.

And finally...

• Blur are said to be reforming to headline Glasto next year

Big announcement

Kate Moss has told everyone to clear their diaries on 18th December as she gathers everyone at her Cotswolds retreat. Could she be getting engaged to Jamie Hince or might she have baby number two on the way?

Goldie Looking Freebie

Goldie Looking Chain are staging a comeback gig on 14th January at London's metro. Entry is free but fans can pay whatever they like on their way out.

Treat time

http://www.heatworld.com/Article/8247/Girls+Aloud/What+do+you+think+of+the+new+Girls+Aloud+video

Blake Back to Bars

Blake Fielder-Civil is going back to jail after failing a drugs test and breaking the terms of his early release from his 27 month sentence. He dashed from rehab to visit Amy who wound up in hospital last week after a phone row with Blake sent her on a drugs and drink bender. He asked for her forgiveness before handing himself to the cops. Friends of Amy are happy at the news as now that Blake is back and banged up she can finally settle divorce proceedings and get out of her black.

DIANA VICKERS explains it all...

http://www.heatworld.com/Article/8228/Diana+Vickers/Diana+finally+explains+the+dreaded+CLAW!

Special toys ...

Jaime Winstone has said that Lily Allen's lack of a man is making her irritable because she's sex-starved. So what better way to help a friend than buy them sex toys? Which is exactly what she did at the Ann Summers Enchantment party at London's Baccarat room. Lovely.

Things and stuff and gubbins

Celebrity Big Brother

Georgina Baillie, Mutya Buena, Whitney Houston, Verne Troyer, Ian Wright and Cheeky Girl fiddler Lembit Opik are all rumoured to be entering the Big Brother house for Celebrity Big Brother this year.

Britney Blanket

Here is a clip from Britney's show on Sky 1 last night. For a lot of it she does seem like a *gasp* normal person out shopping ... until she escapes under a blanket: http://www.heatworld.com/Article/8207/Britney+Spears/Proof+that+Britney+IS+normal%e2%80%a6+well%2c+sort+of

Factoid

Peaches doesnt 'follow fashion', she 'pushes boundaries.' I dont know why she doesnt just 'shut up.'

Love on the big screen

Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty are currently looking for a film they can act in together. Sienna's entourage are trying to advise her against this move as the pair seem to be the only ones who dont know how unpopular they are considering the way they got together.

Miley on her own

For her 16th birthday Miley Cyrus is getting herself the ultimate stroppy teenager present: emancipation from her parents. Although she insists she loves mummy and daddy she wants to have complete control over her career, finances and decisions. I bet she's pregnant and in rehab in six months.

Utd .v. Wags

The Man U Wags have finally got their own back on their richer halves' rowdy behaviour at a Christmas bash a year ago (which ended up in footballer Jonny Evans accused of rape) but going on what they called a 'revenge bender.' Coleen had to be let out a back door of Panacea at 6am whilst her hubbie was tucked up in bed early ahead of a big match the next day.

We're bored of it all too...

More Max and Peaches I'm afraid. The pair had a blazing row at London bar Gramophone and then Max stormed out shouting 'I'm bored of all this.' Peaches was then seen cuddling up to a Max lookalike. Just divorce already.

And finally ...

For those of you like me who are stuck in the dark ages and dont have a TV or simply fancy s0me M0nday morning bitching, here's Britney ... http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=gv4FfDzheaw

Give the girl a hug (and a slap)

Unlikely sympathiser Kelly Osborne has jumped to the defence of Peaches. 'The way I see it,' she said, 'she's a very lost, sad little girl. And at one point I was like that, so I don't want to judge. Instead of picking on her, they should try to help her.' She did however say she would rather 'eat her own head' than get married in Vegas and that she thinks Peaches did it all for attention and that's 'a bit sad.' Whilst Kelly seems to think all Peaches 'needs is a hug', her insults suggest she's more a fan of tough love.

Blake has lost his appeal against his prison sentence for the 27 months he received for GBH. Amy has also threatened to leave him unless he completes the rehab course she forked out for and stays clean. The £30,000 tab will be even more of a slap in the face if rumours that Blake is leaving Amy for a better model (so to speak) are true....

Nicola Roberts has had to flee her £500,000 house over fears it might collapse. Most would have advised her to stay, I doubt the world would have missed her whining

The F Word and The C-Word (cheater, not the other c-word)

Oh dear. Looks like Gordon Ramsey's in trouble again and this time it's not his potty mouth or the fact he ate a puffin that's put him in the naughty corner. Ramsey has been accused of having a secret seven year affair with author Sarah Symonds. The dad of four has shrugged off the allegations that his marriage is in trouble but Symonds is known as 'Queen of Infidelity' and has already had an affair with Lord Jeffrey Archer and wrote a book on advice for mistresses and Ramsey has allegedly had several meetings with his new bit of crumpet. However when asked about the affair he simply replied 'It's time for Sunday lunch. I'm starving.' Simple and to the point.

My new best boyfriend

Poor Paris hasnt taken splitting up with beau Benji Madden very well. Apparently our second favourite President has taken to following him round LA in an attempt to win him back. She even tried to persuade her gaggle of witches to head down to club Villa when she heard he was there. Unfortunately the only wingman she could muster was Avril Lavigne who I doubt would have been much of a help. Not to menti0n the fact Benji scarpered the minute he heard Paris was on her way. Totally Paris Hilton, anyone?

Pic n Mix

• Madonna's quickie divorce went through in 8 mins
• Russell Brand is the bookies' fav to deliver C4's alternative Xmas message
• Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz have called their baby Bronx Mowgli. That is stupid.
• Amy has paid for Blake's £30,000 rehab tab
• Natalia Imbruglia and Rhys Ifans were seen kissing and groping all night at the Atlantis Hotel bash in Dubai. She is surely about his market value?

britney to play GAY after x factor

Trouble in paradise

Killer storms have hit the I'm a Celeb camps in the jungle, forcing the stars to flee for their lives and caused fights to break out among the dreicht campers. Newbie David Van Dry refused to sleep in cave, maintainting that one of the original campers should give up their beds. Simon Webbbbeeee then flew into a rage and stood up to David and was joined by Joe Swash. David eventually backed down and joined Timmy Mallett...well, in his defence, you'd have something to say about it if he was your bedmate. In other news, judging by the front pages of the tabloids, looks like the storm water has washed away Nicola McLean's bikini. Again...

Weird...

Friend to the aliens, Robbie Williams has gone weird again. He is now letting the man who played a robot in his favourite sci-fi show Lost in Space, Bob May, after his home burned down. Bob was apparently impressed by Robbie's memorabilia. That sounds rude but I'd love to make a fly on the wall documentary about the latest odd couple all the same.

And finally...

• Katy Price has launched her lingerie line for George at Asda
• Will Young takes anti-hairloss pills for his ever regressing barnet.
• The stars were out in abundance for the opening of the Palm Resort in Dubai. Kylie Minogue performed and Lilo, Misha, Agyness, Robert De Niro ... and Rhys Ifans (who WORE A TIE) all rolled out for the opening of the 1.5 billion resort.

Whoops...

Silly Peaches Geldof could find that her shotgun marriage to Max Drummey may prove a costlier mistake than she'd ever anticipated. Peaches didnt sign a pre-nup which means hubbie Max is eligible to half the trust fund she's due to come into when she's 21. Who needs paperwork when you're young and ... reckless?

GIRLS ON TOUR

Lilo and Sam Ronson have hit London hard and have the fallout to prove it. The lovely ladyfriends had a blazing row about Calum Best, who now claims to have turned Lindsay gay, who was in attendance at Chinawhite where Sam was DJing. Sam was heard to ask 'does he still do it for you then' before Lilo stormed off to the VIP section. Then to add insult to injury Sam got chatted up by Everyone's New Favourite Lesbifriend Jodie Marsh. Sam apparently looked appalled. Well, you would, wouldn't you?

Jo is glassed (and everyone silently applauds)

Jo O'Meara had a glass thrown at her as she performed with reformed minigroup S Club 3 (why didnt they just change their name?) and had to be taken to hospital for treatment. This has been the first incident of its kind since the group began their comeback tour but as soon as Jo stepped onstage the crowd began booing. Maybe this just didnt like the music?

And finally...

• New Jungleite Nicola McLean has said she'll be up for a bit of girl-on-girl action in the jungle. Clearly no one has told her the only lesbian on the show is ex-tennis ace Martina Narvratilova.


• Caprice gets a reality check: http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7958/Caprice+/Were+VERY+embarrassed+for+Caprice...

Jungle Wags

This year's 'I'm a Celebrity' will be the battle of the WAGS with Carly Zucker, Nicola McLean and Dani Behr all heading off to jungleland. Will outspoken Carly get too big for her boots in front of Granny Wag Dani or will they both join forces against Tits McGee herself Nicola McLean. Other celebs include Simon Webbe, Joe Swash, Brian Paddick, George Takei, Martina Navratilova and Esther Ranzen. But really who's going to be watching them when WAGgate is taking place. Oh, and Kilroy is there too. He's guaranteed to say something horrific.

Don't you know who I am?

Brad Pitt got chucked out his own movie premiere for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button because a security guard didnt recognise him and thought he was a press photographer.

I'm ok! I'm ok!

Jesse Metcalfe has had a lucky escape after falling off a balcony at VMAs. Despite falling 40 feet he escaped with bruises, cuts and sprains and suffered no broken bones or brain damage which is lucky because without his intellect this world would be much the poorer.

Have you washed your hands?

After punching a photographer the other day and scrapping all over the shop Amy Winehouse tried to make amends with photographers who gathered outside her Camden home yesterday evening. Amy, minus beehive, explained to the gathered paps that she hadnt been to see Blake since he was released from jail because she has a rash over her entire body. Nice. She then showed them a hospital tag on her wrist which read 'Amy Civil' before offering them cheese on toast. I sincerely hope they didnt eat it.

And finally ...

• Katy Perry is releasing a clothing line. Fried egg hats and maggot dress anyone?

Cottoned off

Fearne Cotton and Steve Jones have split after three months together. Apparently Steve has something of the wandering eye and after a whirlwind romance things have fizzled out quickly. Steve's previous conquests include Pamela Anderson, Halle Berry and Natalie Imbruglia. Is he ticking them off a list?

EVERYBODY CALM DOWN

Britney's son is fine (I know how worried you've all been) after having been rushed to hospital on Sunday afternoon following a seizure. Turns out it was an allergic reaction to something he ate. Something tells me Brit's home cooking is not quite up to scratch - 'what, not hungry for your hair soup boiled in my tears and regrets and stirred with a crazy stick?' Toxic, indeed.

EXCELLENT lyrics

Peter Andre has released some snippets from his new album on his website and I doubt very much the following lyrics will do his apparently strained relationship with his wife any good:

“We've forgot how to love each other / when was the last time we went out together / we never communicate / always at each other...”

If you're bored just spend a bit of time counting the grammatical errors in that section alone.

Pete also released a mission statement: “Peter has a dream. His dream is to fulfil his desire in creating music in his own image.” Music that looks like a tit?

And finally...

• Looks like Chantelle's WAG dreams are finally coming to as she spotted leaving Jermaine Defoe's house with, and I quote, 'erotically tousled hair.' Concrete evidence then. Is it even allowed to use the word 'erotically' in the same sentence as Chantelle? Isn't there a law or something? If not I am making one.
• This isn't scary at all: http://www.samedifferenceworld.com/KidsClub.html
• This is wonderful: http://www.omnomnomnom.com/random/index.php

Free Blakey and other stories

They tried to make me pay for rehab...

Blake Fielder-Civil has now been released from prison but has to wear an electronic tag which was part of the terms of his release. He is now in rehab for a seven week course of treatment in Surrey and Amy is reportedly refusing to pick up the £30,000 tab. Rumours currently circulating that German model Sophie Schandorff is especially pleased at Blakey Boo's release will not be helping Amy's mood. When Wakey Woo was sentenced to 27 months last July it was she, not Amy, who was in court and the pair mouthed 'I love you' to each other as he was sent down. Amy is now said to be in two minds about the marriage and declared to a friend in an emotional phone call: 'I don't know if I want to be with him.'


Awkward...

Poor Duffy had been told she had won the Best Newcomer award at the EMAs and had put on a nice dress, brought her family and brushed her hair accordingly. Bit awkward then when Katy Perry nabbed the gong...

Winealike

Pete Doherty was seen canoodling with a mystery Amy Winehouse lookalike after a gig in Camden. If things get any worse with the real Winehouse and Blakelite he may well soon be able to upgrade to the real thing. What a car crash that would be.


They think it's all over...

The marriage we all thought would last forever is reportedly over after 96 days. Apparently Peaches has decided she doesnt fancy him anymore and is to return to the UK shortly to begin divorce proceedings. Bob is said to be delighted.

And finally...

• Kanye West did a widdle on the floor of the dressing room he shared with The Tings Tings at a pre-EMA bash at Liverpool's Carling Academy. To be honest, if faced with the same opportunity to show the The Ting Tings what I really thought of them I can't say I wouldnt do the same. Altogether now 'That's not the loo, that's not the loo...'
• Sophie Ellis Bextor is expecting her second child with Richard Jones.
• Craig David has been awarded an honouray Doctorate of Music from Southhampton Solent University ... they had heard his 'music' before, right?

America is saved

Brit barred

As the news that Barack Obama has become the first black US President breaks, so too does the rumour that Britney Spears had her invitation to Lilo and Sam Ronson's lavish US election party retracted when Sam discovered that Brit is a big Sarah Palin fan. Brit apparently thinks that the terrifying Palin is a style icon and a strong inspiring woman. So nothing to do with the teen pregnancy family ties then.

I promise to take you DJ Tom...

Sarah Harding is engaged to DJ Tom Crane and proudly flaunted her engagement ring as she celebrated with her fellow bandmates at the Music Industry Trust dinner on Monday evening. They are apparently planning the mother of all rock n roll weddings and have already spoken about starting a large family. Enough to start the next S Club Juniors perhaps? Tantrums Aloud?

Like father like daughter

Georgia May Jagger seems to be a chop off the old block as the 16 year old turned heads when she rocked up to the Vogue party in London this week. Can't say I see much of her supermodel mother in her though...








And finally...

• Xtra-Factor presenter Holly Willoughby's parents must have got a bit of a shock when Simon Cowell revealed their daughter was pregnant live on air on Saturday. They didnt know. Opps. Awkward. Simon then took Holly and her parents out for a pricey meal at a slap-up restaurant to say sorry.
  
• As we all expected Russell Brand's tail-between-his-legs (so to speak) exit from the Beeb (and indeed the UK) has done him no harm at all. HBO have now approached him about fronting a Friday Night Live show from Universal City.
• Jo O'Meash, Bradley McIntosh and Paul Cattermole are planning to unite once again as S CLUB 3. The others are too busy dancing / on the dole / weeping to take part.

The quiet before the storm

All the celebs seem to be catching up on their beauty sleep ahead of the EMAs this Thursday and it's all a bit quiet in celeb land today but in the mean time here are some funnuggets:

Rocking out

Heidi Klum proves she can do more than pout and Seal bait with this new video for Guitar Hero:
http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7858/Heidi+Klum/Heidis+officially+the+most+fun+model+EVER!

Like Boyfriend Like Girlfriend?

Jessica Biel is to follow in the footsteps of boyfriend Justin Timberlake and is set to launch a pop career. She is already working on an album with some big music names. Maybe they'll be the new Kylie and Jason?

MORE Jordan and Peter

Jordan has tried again to squash rumours of problems in her marriage by saying her and Pete plan to have AT LEAST three more children and also adopt more kids. I hope they form the new Von Trapp Family Band.

Back to Plaque

For the record I thought of this headline before I read it in the Daily Mirror. So I am using it. Ok. Fix up, look sharp. Let's go adventurers!


Amy is looking reasonably like a real life human being thing after a week of early nights, no booze and no naughty drugs after undergoing a series of tests at hospital following a recent lung infection. She has since been given a clean bill of health (which seems dubious) but she does seem to have swapped one addiction for another another: e's for E-numbers. She has recently installed a £5000 fairground sweetshop in her flat complete with candyfloss, Slush Puppy and old-fashioned sweet shop counter. From crack high to sugar high.

Princess Paris to become Queen Paris?

Looks like Paris may have to record her EXCELLENT new single 'Paris for President' ( look on in awe and wonder at the musical car crash here http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=k4WDjuiQmxA ) for a more British audience after Wills and Harry met up with her for a drinking session recently. Paris recently said 'I've kept in touch with William - he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type.' Could royal wedding bells soon be a-ringing? This is a truly terrifying thought.

And finally...

• Peaches has been caught shoplifting for the FOURTH time at Luna and Curious boutique. She must be running out of excuses now.
• Lilo has been axed as co-host of the World Music Awards with Jesse Metcalf. The honour now goes to Denise Richards.
• A slightly egocentrcic final point, but I discovered that Tina Chen's videos are back up on youtube. If you have a problem with these I am not sure we can be friends ... http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zSbL8VqAje8&feature=related

Will swap food for friends

After her amusing appearance at the National Television Awards the other night (watch it here

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lDzKl4H-bt0 - if only for the co-ordinated hand on hip movements and slow pronunication of 'Ro-yal Al-bert Ha-all' - clearly she'd been mumbling it to herself repeatedly backstage to remember it), Paris has said she's lost weight in Britain. And although loneliness can do terrible things to a person, she says the loss has been due to healthy eating and pilates. Maybe her new British best friend can get a few pub lunches down her.

Kate Moss Pregnant?

Once again rumours are flying that Kate Moss is pregnant after she was seen at Heathrow with boyfriend Jamie Hince with a blanket covering her stomach.

Rooney Rooney Rooney Rooney (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Wayne Rooney was cautioned last night for spitting at a photographer after leaving a Chinese restaurant in July. Had Rooney not accepted the caution after a five-week stalemate he would have faced a six month prison sentence. He also had to write a sorry letter to the photographer in question. Bless. I hope someone can help him with it ... 'Dear man, I am all sorry I did a spitting on your face. It was bad. Ok bye then. Lots of love, from Wayne xoxo'

And finally...

• Ex-Atomic sex Kitten Jenny Frost has become the new face and body of Playboy lingerie in the UK
• Sir Bob Geldof was overheard chatting about Peaches' shotgun marriage at The Quantum of Solace afterparty. He seems to have got over it now and said 'my children amuse me.' They amuse us too, Bob.

Stupid Girls

Egg and Mercury sandwich


Yesterday it was an egg, today it's Freddie Mercury. Whatever will Katy do next?


Mayer in trouble

John Mayer could find himself in a whole world of trouble with on/off ladyfriend Jennifer Anniston after telling singer Pink that he only sleeps with 'stupid women'. Pink retorted by saying 'I guess they would have to be' which is not likely to please Anniston either. So now she's going to have to kick two people's asses and it's not even lunchtime yet.

Que?!

Amidst Russell Brand's exit from the Beeb (he's off to the US to make 'quite a lot of films') and uncertainty over Jonathon Ross' fate in the Sachsgate scandal, shy and retiring wallflower Georgina Baillie has admitted that she did sleep with Brand but that his performance was a 'disappointment'. She also said he yelled out 'que?!' between the sheets in honour of Manuel. Hopefully she will go away now.

Dross from Joss

As 'spotted' reports of Joss seen trying on an 'erotic fairy' costume (eugh) in a fancy dress costume in London come in, out pops this new video of Joss doing some talking. She supports Obama because McCain 'seems like an angry man.' Good. Well done Joss. Back in your box now. http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7680/Joss+Stone/Aaaaaaaaaargh!+Joss+Stone+has+opened+her+mouth+again!+MAKE+IT+STOP!

And finally...

• McFly are said to be 'so honoured' to have recorded this year's Children in Need song
• Peter Andre has denied rumours that he and Jordan are to split as b******t
• Abbie Clancy has said she 'loves' to walk around the house naked. Well it's nothing we havent seen before love...
  

No puns allowed

Both Peaches and eggs are featured in today's blog. There is ample opportunity for a lot of pun-based humour but I'm avoiding it for the sake of decency. Read on, young adventurer!

Honeymoon over

The world is united in shock as it appears Peaches' marriage is already in trouble. During one of hubbie Max's recent gigs Peaches caused chaos by apparently going beserk at the side of the stage, running around 'like a gazelle' (that's be worth seeing, does she know how to run or does she have someone to run for her?), distracting the band and generally making a right fool of herself. Max was later seen being consoled by his mum (is he even old enough to be married?) and bandmates banned Peaches from the dressing room. Perhaps Peaches was letting off steam after her first column for NY magazine 'Nylon' prompted unprecedented levels of backlash. Perhaps she's just mental.

Egg Lady Pig Pants

Katy Perry appeared on stage for a gig in the US on her 24th birthday dressed as an egg. She also had a halo on her head and piggy pants. These shots have been released just days after Gwen Stefani dressed up as an egg for a Hallowe'en party. Either eggs are the latest thing in Hollywood, even though the yolks are too fattening, or someone is trying to get publicity ahead of the EMAs. Or she just really likes eggs.

And finally...

• Jessica Taylor and Kelli Young from Liberty X have formed a new band called Danger Minx and are touting demos round record labels. Worst name ever for the worst band ever?

Hudson's Nephew Found Dead

Jennifer Hudson had to identify the body of her nephew yesterday whose body was found in a stolen car. He had been shot. Hudson's brother in law, William Balfour, was still being held last night in connection with the murders of her brother and mother. He denies involvement with the shootings.

Pony > Peter

Amidst further rumours of problems in the Price-Andre household (Andre has jetted off to the States alone after a series of blazing rows over Jordan's drinking) this bizarre video appears. Can't say I ever saw that coming. Also they refer to her as 'supermodel'. Bet Tyra Banks would have something to say about that ...

http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7747/Katie+Price/Jordan+as+you’ve+never+seen+her+before

Also they play Gloria Estefan whilst the horses do dressage. Brilliant.

And finally...

• Looks like Paris is back with boyfriend Benji Madden after flirtations with Princes William and Harry (why have one you can collect the set?). She has, however, denied rumours of being engaged.
• Spotted! Zac Efron and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens loved-up on a beach in Hawaii where they are to attend a friend's wedding. Could there be a High School Wedding? High School Teen Pregnancy? High School Abort- you get where I'm going with this.

Brother in law held over Hudson shootings

A huge hunt is still ongoing for the nephew of Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson after a shooting at her family home which left her mother and brother dead. Jennifer's brother in law has been arrested in connection with the shooting but are yet to find the missing seven year old. Jennifer has since flown home to comfort her sister and the FBI have now joined the hunt. A $1o0,000 reward has now been offered for Julian King's safe return.

Ooh! Pottymouth!

MP Jonathon Whittingdale, Conservative chairman of the Culture, Media and Sport select commitee, called Ofcom to complain about obscene prank telephone calls made to actor Andrew Sachs (who played Manuel in 'Fawlty Towers') by Jonathon Ross and Russell Brand on Brand's Radi0 2 show. The pair left crude voicemails claiming Brand had slept with Sach's granddaughter and that Sachs might kill himself as a result. The messages were apparently left after Andrew did not answer his phone for a pre-arranged interview. So that's a lesson for this week: answer your calls or else Russell's coming for you...

And finally...

• Miley Cyrus, 15, has moved her boyfriend Justin Gaston, 20, into her parents' home



• Peaches Geldof is in a mood after she found out that sister Pixie has been keeping a diary of their wild family life. Oh, to snoop!
  
• Katy Perry has retiliated at the outrage caused last week when a picture was released of her posing with a knife. This time she's posing with a spoon. The caption on Katy Perry.com says 'But I do condone eating ice cream with a very large spoon.'

Mads seeks anger management counselling

Madonna is currently having Kabbalah anger management counselling to help her deal with her issues towards Guy Ritchie in order that their divorce be settled as quickly as possible and with as little harm to their children. The intimate details that led to their divorce have been widely publicised over the last few days, with Guy stating that Madonna's increasingly bizarre controlling and obsessive compulsive behaviour made their marriage a 'nightmare', whereas Madonna says she felt 'emotionally abandoned' by her husband.





Caught with her trousers down

Lindsay Lohan's cameo appearance on 'Ugly Betty' may be cut short due to rumours that her chain smoking, demands that her dressing room be redecorated and time spent making a scrapbook of her own press appearances have upset cast members. Tension recently came to boiling point during rehearsals for a scene in which Lohan's character is humiliated when her trousers are pulled down to reveal her granny pants. Star of the show America Ferrera was apparently not supposed to actually pull her trousers down but did so ... only to reveal Lohan had chosen that day to go commando. Apparently Lohan was so embarrassed she cried. You'd really think she'd be used to it by now?


Lily speaks out

Lily Allen has released a song on her myspace commenting on drugs culture and an accompanying youtube video is currently doing the rounds featuring celebrities in varying states of disrepair. All the usual suspects are there, including Amy and Blake but see how many you can spot ...

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=tv_uC7Zv008&feature=related


And finally...

• Fall Out Boy have defended Katy Perry after a picture released of her posing with a knife caused anger amid the sad death of another British teenage to knife crime. They say the picture is 'three years old' and is a reference to 'A Clockwork Orange'.
• Jordan was out partying with Paris Hilton last night whilst hubbie Peter Andre was spotted out alone without his wedding ring, fuelling rumours their marriage is in trouble.
• The Smiths are 'closer than ever' to reforming according to rumours. Sources believe they could headline Californian festival Coachella next April...

Rihanna and Justine Get Friendly

Whilst I resent the notion that sexy had ever really gone away, there can be no doubt that it'll be there with bells on in the video for their new song 'Rehab', which has nothing to do with the Amy Winehouse song. Expect one particularly steamy bit on a car bonhet. Just another day in the life, eh?

Britney still has the blues

Britney's latest court case for driving without a licence has been dismissed but despite escaping six months in jail she's still feeling low. When asked by her lawyer to take the stand at the trial she said 'I can't face all those people. I don't want to deal with all the people.' These words come as Brit is on the brink of a new album and a world tour and don't bode well for her rumoured plans to fight for custody of her sons. She does, however, have her 27th birthday party to look forward to which will coincide with a live gig broadcast on TV. She said 'it'll be the biggest birthday bash to ever hit morning TV' but it's still her party and she'll cry if she wants to.

And finally...

• Jimmy Carr was forced to throw out a heckler from a recent gig after he taunted the comedian with shouts of 'you're boring me' before exiting to the toilets to strip off and reappear wearing only a nappy made of toilet paper. Certainly an innovative way of relieving boredom, feel free to try in your own time...



• Kooks frontman Luke Pritchard is in talks with an American director to appear in a B-type horror film. He says 'it's going to be really cheesy but f****d up.' But of course.



• A tramp is now £2000 richer after finding the waxwork head of Sir Paul McCartney in a bin which is reportedly worth £10,000. The tramp had to beg the train fare to hand in the head to Abbey Road studios.

Death Threats for Russell Brand

Next time you're watching the TV and you don't enjoy what you see, don't change the channel, issue a death threat instead. Brand's jokes about Bush and the Jonas Brothers at the MTV awards proved to be a bit too much for some people and he has received death threats. He said: "How can you, while watching the telly, think, 'Oh I don't enjoy this, no I'm not enjoying this at all,' then think, 'Right I'm going to kill him?' That's a huge jump." Imagine how they'd feel if they had to pay a licence fee as well.

A Very Long Engagement
Jade is to marry her boyfriend, Jailbird Jack. She's even going to buy her own engagement ring and he will pay her back when he's released after his 18 month prison term for assault. Ah, true love. Who said romance was dead?










What Katy Did
Katy Perry has been sent to the naughty corner for posing with a knife after Army cadet Joey Lappin was killed by a gang in Liverpool. The American pop star Katy Perry was branded as being "out of her mind" by the father of a British knife-crime victim after posing for a publicity shot brandishing a blade. Kissing girls, playing with knives ... let's just hope she doesnt get it into her head to combine the two. Kissed a girl and made her ... die?

And finally ...

• Billie Piper and delighted hubby Laurence Fox are now the proud parents of 6lb 11oz Winston James following an emergency caesarean. Ex-husband Chris Evans was one of the first visitors and is coveting the role of godparent
• Gabriella Cilmi is set to steal Kylie's pop tiara as she won six Australian Brit Awards, beating Kylie to the Best Female and Best Female Pop Release.
• Britney's promising her raunchiest performance yet when she performs on the X Factor. Brilliant. Note it in your diaries. Cancel all your plans.

Javine is arrested

Javine’s been arrested and questioned by the cops after allegedly leaving a screaming foul-mouthed voicemail for her ex-manager.

Ex-manager Camilla Storey went to the cops saying she feared for her safety, and shortly afterwards Javine attended the police station and was cautioned. Looks like Harvey’s not the only one in their relationship with a bit of a temper.

Winehouse to dress up as rat

Amy Winehouse is to dress up as a rat for a plague-themed Halloween party according to reports. Amy under an alias of Snakehips, is said to have invited Chelsea Davy to dress up as a rat alongside her. Winehouse is quoted to have said “I think Chelsy is nuts, to be honest, and I know we’d hit it off. She should come on a night out with me. I know harry is a fan, so he could drop her off.” Magic.


In other news…
* Lindsay Lohan has finally admitted she’s a lesbian and has been dating DJ Sam Ronson for “a very long time.”
* Britney’s label have delayed the release of her comeback single Womaniser, meant to hit the shops on Monday in the US, while they put some finishing touches to the track and album. They want to make the single as good as possible according to inside reports.
* MJ has has told songwriters working on his comeback LP that it must be better than Thriller.

QUOTE OF THE DAY
Nicole Kidman: “Fertile water made me pregnant.”

CLIPS

Ever seen an incredibly long dog? You have now...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4x3UezyOEkI

Ex Sugarbabe to star in Celeb BB

Everyone’s favourite ex Sugarbabe has been lined up to star in this years celebrity Big Brother.

The fondly named Mutley aka Mutya Buena has been bagged to enter the house according to reports, and producers are apparently begging Whitney Houston to join Mutley on the show.


Courtney wants a housekeeper

Courtney Love wants a new housekeeper – and has appealed to fans to help her find a “non-thieving, non-freaky” housekeeper.

To find her Mary Poppins she’s shunned recruitment agencies in California, and posted an online job advert on her blog headed “this is weird but what the f**k.” The ad also appealed for help finding a film-maker and a PA.


In other news…
* Robbie Williams has emerged weeks after going into hiding, walking the streets of LA wearing a ginger gorilla suit and sunglasses.
* Worried pals say Amy Winehouse does £1K a day of crack and heroin.
* Britney’s mum has claimed that Brit’s ex manager drugged the star by crushing up pills and putting it in her food.
* Bling for charity? The crown jewels of hip hop are going under the hammer to raise money for charity donated by the likes of P Diddy and Missy Elliot.

CLIPS

It's an oldie but a goodie...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI1_Hm41BXw

Kerry’s mum to lose home?

Kerry Katona’s mum could end up homeless after her daughter’s recent issues with the tax man.
Sue Katona’s house, in Padgate, Warrington was bought as a gift by Katona nine years ago. Currently Kerry owes around £80,000 in tax and Sue’s house has appeared on a list of assets sent over to the creditors. The house is now said to be worth £100,000 and would clear the debt in one go. Sue is praying that she doesn’t get turfed out. Kerry wouldn’t do that to her mum though would she?

Rehab? Blake would rather stay inside

He’s been given a second get out of jail free card – but for the second time he’s turned it down.

His second chance offer included a stint in rehab and a detox, but he said No, No, No…all he wants is freedom and his old life back in Camden with Amy. He’s determined to stay locked up till he gets the life he prefers. Looks like it’s winter inside after all.

In other news…
* Shayne Ward is to marry his long-term girlfriend. The pair have been dating for 6 years and after a summer script writing in the US Ward is ready to take the plunge.
* ‘Snog, Marry, Avoid?’ is to get a second series. Whoop! Whoop!
* Cheryl Cole told The Sun this weekend that she has the X factor winner in her category. The real star of the ITV hit show told the tabloid that she was given the category that she wanted, has got the most talent in her group, and also has the winner. Mild bragging never hurt anyone.
* Emma Bunton wants to open up a restaurant in London with partner Jade Jones. Perhaps she’ll call it ‘Baby Food’?
* Becks and Posh apparently want a fourth child but she is just too busy to get preggers.

RUMOUR MILL
- Keanu Reeves girlfriend pregnant?
- Spider-man musical ready for 2009?

Si tempts Britney back to Britain

Britney Spears is returning to the UK to make her first British appearance since her relaunch – on the X factor. Who better to tempt good old Brit back to the UK than Simon Cowell? And he’s done just that as she’ll perform her comeback single Womanizer on the talent-finding show in December.


Fish swims into boy’s penis

A fish swam the wrong way and lept into a boy’s penis ending up in his bladder.

The boy was cleaning his fish tank in India…which is where the story begins to get a little fishy. Holding the fish in his hand to clean the tank, he needed the toilet. Still holding the fish he went to the loo to relieve himself, which is when the 2cm fish swam up through the teenager’s urethra causing pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention. Something tells me his story is a slightly removed from the truth.

The fish had to be removed in hospital with forceps.


In other news…
* Jennifer can’t-keep-her-legs-closed Aniston is dating another man…papped on hols in Mexico with a tall, dark, stranger.
* US singer Aubrey O’Day has stripped off for Complex magazine to reveal she loves stripping and hard core porn. Who doesn’t?
* First pics of Miley Cyrus and new former underwear model Justin Gaston have been released. The pair have only been dating for a couple of weeks but were pictured together arm-in-arm leaving church. A sign of things to come…?

Beckham Convoy
With heightened fears for their security (or their £300,000 Rolls Royce), the Beckhams have hired an SAS team to accompany them on the school run. They are treated like royalty in the US and seem to be taking on the luxury lifestyle to match. There are also worries about Posh's security after Lusty Lohan has revealed that she thinks VB's new 'pop' makes her hot...Looks like she might be in for a bit of Lilo loving.

Worlds Smallest Man in London...whoo!
Ping Ping, the Worlds smallest man is visiting London which is worlds away from his home in Mongolia. 29 inch Ping Ping has been making the most of his time here by having his own mini suit made at Saville Row, then meeting the woman with the longest legs in the World, although trying to make a call from an iconic call box was less successful. His favourite part of the day was having his picture taken with a guard at Buckingham Palace. What's next? A visit to Stringfellow's perhaps?

Other New

- Happy Birthday Pixie. What do you think she got for her 18th? That's right a modeling contract with Agent Provocateur...just like her big sis.

- KFed wants Britters back! He's appologised and said that Britney is his soul mate...will they get back together?

- Opps, Nicole Scherzinger may have lied about her age, saying she was just a few years older that her boyf Lewis Hamilton who's 23 when she's 30! She also admitted on GMTV that Lewis loves her dressing up in her latex catsuit!

Clips: Worlds Smallest Man: http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1488655367/bctid1799148008

Amy posts nuddy hubby snaps

Amy Winehouse has posted naked pictures of her jailed husband Blake Fielder-Civil online.The 'Rehab' singer put pictures of Fielder-Civil exposing himself by pulling down his boxer shorts on her Facebook profile. It was earlier revealed that Fielder-Civil had chosen to stay in prison rather than accept parole terms that would have sent him to live with his mother in Nottinghamshire.A source said: "It was all set for him to be released, but because he refused to go to anywhere other than Camden, it was refused at the last minute. He doesn't want to go somewhere where he can't be reunited with Amy and his friends. He'd rather stay inside."

Smell like Hollyoaks

Channel 4 soap Hollyoaks is to become the first UK programme to launch its own selection of fragrances. The products, which have been in development for over a year, have had backing from the soap's cast from the outset. They have been involved in all aspects of the packing and bottle design to the selection of the fragrances themselves. Speaking of the venture, Lime Pictures managing director Sean Marley said: "Hollyoaks epitomises the aspirations and lifestyles of today's young people."He added: "The fragrances will be an exciting and accessible extension of what is already one of the UK's most successful youth brands."The female aroma is a 'blend of sugared apple, white chocolate and sweet musk', while the male scent provides 'clean and spicy accords'.The fragrances will be available from September 30 from The Perfume Shop.


In other news…
* World’s sexiest woman Megan Fox admits to lesbian fling
* The on-off saga this week of Danielle Lloyd rages on - this time she's saying she’s changed her mind again and she is definitely engaged to Ironik…make up your mind Dani come on!
* Lily Allen new album release date announced: Feb 9th 2009
* We’ve all heard already today but I just need to repeat it again…Courtney Love’s daughter holds a suicide party…! WTF?!

RUMOUR MILL
- Sam Sparro ditched V for LA and Lindsay Lohan?
- Misha Barton dating Josh Hartnett?

CLIPS

Good idea...not hugely well executed...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wr2hoesHJp8

Wino is too ugly for her own party

Amy Winehouse snubbed her own 25th birthday party at the weekend, claiming she was too ugly to leave the house.

The award-winning star had a massive argument with best friend Remi Nicole as she desperately tried to persuade her to attend the party. Amy was having none of it though – screaming “I look f**king ugly.” Leaving her 15 guests, including Mark Ronson and Adele, standing host-less at Soho’s Jazz After Dark club.

It was her mum Janis who took the news of Amy’s no show the hardest. Already walking with the aid of a stick Janis broke down in tears when it was confirmed Amy would not be attending. The Winehouse saga continues.


Stars crazy for invisible tattoos

The latest Hollywood trend to hit is the ultra classy white tattoo. Hugely expensive and pretty painful, the artwork is barely visible, and is the hottest new celeb accessory for winter 2008.

Lindsay Lohan was recently spotted with “breathe” inscribed on her wrist, and Kate Moss is also believed to have white-ink hearts stencilled on the side of her body.


In other news…
* BB reject Steph is releasing a single…Camera Shy will be her debut dance track and if you want to catch a sneaky preview click through… http://www.heatworld.com/Article/7223/Stephanie+/Uh-oh%3a+first+listen+to+BB+Stephs+new+single!
* Brangelina have been named Hollywood’s most powerful actors, ousting Tom Cruise and Jennifer Aniston from the 2009 Guiness Book of Records top spots.


RUMOUR MILL
- Daisy Lowe split from Ronson?
- Lohan engaged to Sam Ronson?

CLIPS
Quantum of Solace (release date 14th november) trailer 2...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQW2MtibAmk&feature=bz301

Elbow top Mercury’s

Elbow won the Mercury Music Prize last night for the Best British album of the past year.

The award for The Seldom Seen Kid comes 18 years after they first formed, and 7 years after their first nomination.

The decision is based on musical merit, as opposed to record sales, and Elbow beat 11 other contenders including Radiohead, The Last Puppets, and Adele.


Sam: I’ll marry Lindsay within the next six months

Sam used her DJ slot at top LA hotel and night spot Chateau Marmont to announce the news, telling clubbers: “By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson.”


In other news…
* Heather Mills lost a role in the US version of Celebrity Apprentice after demanding a clause in her contract guaranteeing a place in the final no matter how rubbish she was…apparently producers weren’t too happy with her divaish demands and she has been axed. Shame.
* Alice Dellal seems to be doing a good job of stepping in to Kate Mosses shoes as her Agent Provocateur replacement – pictures have been sold of the young model sprawled on the floor in a London home with a thick line of cocaine in front of her. Oops.
* Jack Ryder has joined the cast of R4’s The Archers…the beginning of the end?
* 1980s funk-jazz singer Jill Saward (come on...we all know who she is) has become seriously ill after having a facelift for a new reality TV show apparently. The Shakatak frontwoman had the procedure while taking part in Living TV's Pop Goes The Band, which sees former musical stars undergoing surgery in a bid to relaunch their careers. Sounds like its set to be a classic.
* Misha Barton has revealed she’s planning to launch a range of headbands. Career’s going well then.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Russell Brand: “MTV want me back next year.”

CLIPS

Bush or Batman? Play along...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPugAcQILRY

Posh has a chop

New York Fashion week has kicked off – and what better to turn heads than a brand new haircut for Vicky B?

Yes the style chameleon launched her own fashion range, which she described as a “dream of a lifetime,” and she provided the ultimate icing on her fashion line cake by sporting a brand new short back ‘n sides pixies haircut.

It’s time to reveal…Heat’s worst dressed celebs

The best and the worst have been named and shamed in this weeks HEAT, as voted for by readers. K-fed, Pete Doherty and Michelle Heaton all feature in the top 10 – but the number one and two spot has been snapped up by MTV’s very own Jodie Marsh (1) and Kerry Katona (2). We couldn’t have planned it better ourselves...

In other news…
* If anyone was wondering Cheryl Cole secured the top spot on the best dressed – hastily followed by Coleen Rooney at number two.
* The BB9 housemates are out of the house and head first into the arms of the tabloids and trash mags alike. So far this week Rachel’s been shouting she’s not boring, Rex has admitted he’s cheated on Nicole, and MTV’s own Sarah has slept with…everyone…according to her.
* Remember Hobie from Baywatch? Cute little son of none other than the Hoff? Well apparently his 45 min long sex tape, recorded with an ex-porn star, is currently being offered to porn sites and agencies, according to US gossip site TMZ.


QUOTE OF THE DAY:
Kylie: “I might go gay.”

RUMOUR MILL
- Josh Hartnett caught getting down and dirty in a London public library?

CLIPS

Too good to be true?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAuGayJMTDg&feature=bz303

Britney rules the VMA’s

Whilst Russell Brand was apologising to the crowds, as they didn’t seem to get his sarcastic English humour (let alone know who he is) Britney was the talk of the awards once more as she scooped three gongs last night. Good old Britney opened the show with a toast to the ceremony and laughed and joked with Russell throughout the evening as she collected her awards and some renewed respect from her fans. Long live the Brit.

Peaches stars in witch campaign

Scary scary Peaches Geldof is at the centre of Agent Provocateur’s new season campaign ‘Season of the Witch.’ Alongside Daisy Lowe and other more qualified models, Peaches dons luxury black underwear, and in one photo dresses as a suspender-clad priestess in a mock sacrifice. The end product is very scary indeed, not as scary however as it would have been if an airbrusher hadn’t been used to work their magic.


In other news…
* Lily Allen’s friends are said to be concerned after the outspoken pop star spoke about killing herself last week. The singer said she felt suicidal in a Facebook message that she published on her page – her friends have now likened her heavy-drinking and irrational behaviour to that of Britney.
* Amy’s performance at Bestival is set to be her last until she gets better according to Dad Mitch.
* Nadine Coyle’s new man came over to the UK at the weekend to party with her and meet the rest of the band for the first time. Nadine’s been seeing New York Giants player Jason Bell for a short time and it looks like things are rosy.
* Jamelia has shelved plans to publish an autobiography after fearing it will not be successful. Gutted.

QUOTES OF THE DAY:
- Jade Goody: “I took crack.”
- Ex-PR calls Mills a “pathological liar.”


RUMOUR MILL
- Kelly Brook dating rugby star Cipriani?

CLIPS

It's all about Brits...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnCSw3n5Hks

Jay takes over from Jodie?

Jay Nichols, glamour model and tragic attention seeker, took over where Jodie Marsh left off last night by turning up at Chinawhite wearing a belt for a skirt (literally), knee-high boots, and a fur coat.

She gave waiting paps their money shot for the evening by flashing her boobs before walking into the club, who for some bizarre reason still let her in.

Jay on a previous night out - doing what she does best.

Back to Jack

Wino wino Winehouse ordered 48 bottles of Jack Daniels for her rider for Bestival at the weekend, sparking rumours that she’s ready to clean up her party hard act quite yet.

The hard-living Back to Black singer, 24, has a history of axing gigs at the last minute, and faces legal action after pulling out of a Paris concert just hours before she was due to headline last Friday.
Now organisers of the three-day Bestival event on the Isle of Wight fear she will either back out of her show tomorrow night — or turn up in no fit state to perform.
The best quote from inside sources at the festival says how excited everyone is that Amy’s due to perform, and commented about her said rider – “Whiskey is better than heroin – but not 48 bottles of the stuff.” Classic.

Quote of the day:
Carmen Electra – “I got dirty with Kim [Kardashian].”

RUMOUR MILL
- Ann Hathaway dating Josh Lucas?
- Ulrika in talks for GMTV role? OMG! NOOOOOOOOO!!! I never thought I’d say life was better with Fiona.
- Whitney Houston lined up to star in Celeb BB?

CLIPS

For those of you who need a Sarah Silverman intro...

Sarah's making a rare appearence at the Hammersmith Apollo on Sunday 19th October at 18:30.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40qTXlNJj9s

Kate Moss Catwalk Comeback Queen

Kate Moss returned to the catwalk for the first time in 4 years at The House of Blue Eyes fashion show in Shepherd’s Bush on Tuesday night as a favour for a friend.

Supported at the sidelines by boyfriend Jamie Hince and a handful of other friends Moss looked like she’d never been away as she glided down the catwalk with a top hat and cane in hand.

McFadden apologies

Brian McFadden has apologised for causing offence by claiming that only gay men should wear pink clothing.

The former Westlife singer said he was only having a "light-hearted conversation" on the radio when he made the comments and insisted that they were not meant to be taking seriously.

“Some woman rang in and said my husband wears pink. I was winding her up, saying, 'He must have a dark secret'. But then it got completely taken out of context.”



In other autobiography news…
* ‘Dreams That Glitter’ the Girls Aloud autobiography is out in a few weeks.
* Lynne Spears is about to release a memoir revealing all about Britney titled ‘Through the Storm.’


RUMOUR MILL
- Hugh Grant ex-model 20 years his junior?
- Sienna Miller planning to leave the country to escape the media spotlight?

CLIPS
Development’s Jen in timeless holiday vid…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gis1ouChiO0